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boyfriend still friends with tinder ex?

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  • #124435
    Rose-sky
    Participant

    Hey everyone…
    I’ve been in a relationship for about a year now. Prior to me and my bf dating he was using Tinder and went ona few dates with a girl and then didn’t go any fughter than that but they continue to hang out as friends. Now that we are dating he’s still gone to vist her out of town where she lives and she has come here to hang out with him too. I felt uncomfortable with her visiting and told him and at first he seemed reassuring and sorry. they’ve even talked about the idea of opening up a business together. She keeps coming up and he says they have texted daily – multiple times daily while he was working out of town and otherwise it’s every couple of days. I feel jealous and sad because it feels like he is emptionally investing a lot into their relationship and now when I bring it up with him he says that there isn’t anything romantic and that they’re just friends but he doesn’t want to ease back on their relationship and defends their friendship. I don’t like that they met on Tinder and that they still talk ands ee each other so much – it feels like they are waiting for the opportunity to date or she is some weird back up to him. Am I being irrational and jealous or would you feel uncomfortable with this? Thanks!!!!

    #124436
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Rosetta:

    I would be very uncomfortable with his contacts with the other woman as well. To give myself the opportunity to feel comfortable, I would ask the boyfriend for the three of you to get together. If he refuses, that would be a deal breaker for me. If he agrees, then I will pay attention during the meeting, establish my position as the one and only girlfriend. Then I will see to it that there are more meetings in the future. It would need to be clear to me that … it is clear to all participants that I am the one girlfriend and that the relationship of the other woman and your boyfriend is strictly business and/ or friendly- the latter, with your participation.

    It wouldn’t be okay for me that the two will meet as friends outside very strict circumstances, never alone, in her place or in his place; during the day, in a public place. I will also need to know the nature of the friendship. If it is not business, I will need to know that she is not.. the supplementary girlfriend, for him.

    anita

    #124498
    Barbara
    Participant

    No I most certainly would not be comfortable with this. From experience – where my gut was leaping out of me – and yet I tollerated this crap – the guy turned out to be a totally untrustworthy git. This guy is a) being inconsiderate b) getting his ego stroked c) leaving you feeling powerless, because he can say ” we are just friends”.
    If it feels wrong for you, then its wrong. If it makes your skin crawl as mutch as it made mine – then just tell him he is out of order. If he continues to rise roughshod over your boundaries – then just walk away.
    Sorry – but later it will hurt more, if u let it go on. Xxx Hugs.

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