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Boyfriend troubles

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  • May 18, 2017 at 8:05 am #149827
    Blondie70
    Participant

    Any ideas please! I’m in my late forties and been with my partner for nearly a year and we’ve never had sex! He’s been badly hurt in the past and has trouble getting it up! He watches porn on his own, he’s says to see if he can get it to work but it’s not benefiting us as he does this when I’m at work and nothing ever happens! He says he is attracted to me and would like it to happen but he’s not very positive that it will! Is there anything I can do to help? I really love him and want to be with him we get on in all other areas it’s just the intimacy if we had that it would be perfect!!

    May 18, 2017 at 8:40 am #149841
    Susannah
    Participant

    Dear Blondie70,

     

    sorry to hear about your situation. Most people find sex and intimacy crucial in a relationship; that is what makes it different from friendship. I must say that you have been very patient! No sex for such a long time. In a way you don”t even know your boyfriend very well by now, because sex is the most intimate way of connecting and that is not present between you two.

     

    The bad news: it is possible that your boyfriend is such a porn addict that you can never have satisfying sex with him. Or at least it may take a long time of some kind of sexual therapy for him to make you sexually satisfied together. Are you ready for that? Many would not be but would find some other partner. One option, of course, would be an open relationship. How does that make you feel? I would feel very frustrated to have a man in my life and we would not have sex at all. Maybe sex is not very important to you at all? If that is the case, everything is ok. If not, things need to change.

    May 19, 2017 at 7:03 am #149965
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Blondie I am sorry you are going through that. You say he has been badly hurt in the past. Half of a thousand is five-hundred and I truly believe that you are getting one side of that story. If his story is true, it is not fair that you are punished for something once upon a time when you weren’t even there. People in relationships should turn toward each other and not toward some artificial anchor to deal with their problems. At the same time, I truly believe that you should take some time out and re-evaluate your reasons for choosing to stay with someone who is replacing sex with chronic porn. I do not mean to seem insensitive to you, my advice comes from my heart and soul. As the old saying goes, first time a victim, second time a volunteer. Don’t take the back seat for porn. You are above that.

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