May 19, 2019 at 7:53 pm #294619
I’m new here, Im 33 with 3 children 4,7 and 10. I need help.
I just called it off with my boyfriend of 2 years, who like I said is a war vet with PTSD. I honestly can’t say what I’m sad about but I feel like a addict without a fix. I have been on the most intense roller coaster for the past 2 years. He has no impulse control and can be very dangerous. He can be very sweet and sensitive, but the dark is very scary. He’s told me horrifying secrets. He is unstable, one minute he’s starting his own business and the next he’s quitting his job, then he’s back working at his job and life is great. It is UTTER CHAOS. He’s never physically abused me but he yell’s/shouts and is very intimidating at times. I always end up forgiving him because I know he is dealing with issues I don’t understand. I didn’t want to abandon him. He actually broke up with me a couple months ago, he shoved all my belongings out in the living room. I was hurt but also relieved because I had been thinking about leaving. I didn’t know how he would react. I have 3 kids and he’s never acted out in front of my kids but I was unsure what would happen if I left. A couple weeks later after I moved out he starts calling me and wanting to get back together. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, eventually I started to secretly see him. I know I cannot be with him, I know he isn’t safe. He has been on me for the past few weeks about bringing my kids with me, so he could say hi. I keep avoiding the issue. I finally told him I don’t trust him around my kids. It’s the truth. I know I will never let my kids be around him again. He told me a few things that make me physically ill that I can never erase from my memory. He always told me stories of this dog he had, I feel horrible just writing this.. he would always tell me about his dog he loved that passed away. He said the dog made him mad one night during an episode and he hit the dog in the head with something metal and the dog died from injuries. He told me this after we were living together and I’ve been carrying it ever since. Any normal human being would run for their lives after hearing that. I didn’t know what to do. After writing this I think I answered my own question, I am brainwashed, stupid and scared of him. I broke up with him for good, no more seeing him. I just don’t know why I feel so bad after breaking up with him. I miss something, bad. How could a person miss such bad behavior. He’s told me before he hates women. It’s almost as if the worse he was the more I wanted him to accept me.May 19, 2019 at 11:34 pm #294645JaneParticipant
Hi Jenna- I am so sad you are dealing with this, when we are vulnerable we open ourselves up to all kinds of abuse and because he hasn’t physically hurt you doesn’t matter- sometimes the psychological abuse is much worse.
You always end up forgiving him- but the only person you need to forgive is yourself. You made a terrible mistake and now you have to put it right for the sake of your kids and for yourself.
I would seek help for the abuse and PTSD (which you may have due to his manipulative behaviour)- sometimes we go back to check that it was that bad- (like a sore tooth, we keep touching it to see if it has healed) but even if it seems better, it will get bad again. This is the pattern of abusive behaviour.
There is help available at locals women’s groups and organisations to get you the support you need.
You feel bad because you are a good person, but you need to recognise this in yourself and build up your poor self-esteem. Surround yourself with people who care- you will find them when you start to look. Block him from your phone and from your life.May 20, 2019 at 5:48 am #294657
Thank you so much. I really needed to hear that from someone. I’m going to block him from my life and work on myself so it never happens again.
<3May 20, 2019 at 6:41 am #294665anitaParticipant
“I just don’t know why I feel so bad after breaking up with him… How could a person miss such bad behavior”?
I think the answer may be right here: “He can be very sweet and sensitive… I didn’t want to abandon him”- you saw him as a hurting child who is in trouble and you wanted to help him, is it so?
anitaMay 20, 2019 at 3:52 pm #294839
Thank you Anita! That really makes sense to me.
<3May 20, 2019 at 5:24 pm #294849anitaParticipant
You are welcome, Jenna. Post again anytime.