Dear Kate:

“Hanging on by a thread”, you wrote, and “missing him so so badly that I am doubting everything”-

We are attached to the object of our attachment, in your case, your ex boyfriend,  with many threads, and when separated, you lose those threads that keep you in one place, relatively solid, feeling safe.

So there is that one thread, and you are holding on to it.

When shaken by the separation from the object of our attachment, there is distress. It is not the right time to think, to try to problem-solve, when .. under the influence of distress. I would postpone thinking, if I was you, until you are no longer significantly distressed.

Make a daily routine for yourself, is my suggestion, or stick to the one you have, make changes in it so that the routine works for you. Stick to familiar experiences, calm yourself repeatedly, let time pass, one moment, one day at a time. You will feel solid again, held in place by a second, third and many more threads. Then you can think reasonably, not now.

anita

Hi Kate,

In the beginning stages of a relationship, it is called the “infatuation” stage. That is where the intensity, romance, “passion” stage is in. You can’t get enough of each other. Think about each other constantly. A feeling of euphoria. As the relationship matures into love usually after 6 month to a year the “intensity, passion, turns into something more tender. It turns into love. “Passion” and “lust” while awesome only lasts for a few months, before changing it into a mature love with each other. Are you saying you are missing the passion you had when you first met him? Or the euphoria feeling of “being in love”?

Hey Kate!

I feel you. I am kind of same boat as you are, Questioning the relation i have with my boyfriend. We have been together for 3 years! Living in 2 years. All of sudden i dont feel the “passion” or “butterfly feeling” which i used to get.

But, to my believe every relation goes through these stages. The most important thing we should look in our partner is love,commitment,trust,respect! If you have all that-We should try and make it work and take this low confusing feeling as a phase!

Every relation looses its initial spark after sometime, and that’s the time when our relation matures. May be there are others factors in our life that are disturbing us and making us frustrated. We come home to same person every day,see same face every morning and night-as result we want to change that by taking our frustration out.

But this is just to my own believe. Being Happy is the most important thing 🙂

Love

Keerthi

Hi Kate,

Sometimes, when people are together for many years, you are right you can love each other, but seeing each other every day or very often, doing the same thing, sometimes many couples lose that “spark” the trick is to do things with each other to bring that “spark” back. Many couples go somewhere they have never been. The newness, the excitement, creates newness and brings back the initial euphoria of chemistry, that you had in the beginning of the relationship. Other couples go to couples therapy. Others have “date nights” just getting out and doing something you both have never done.

If you are not ready to get back with him, don’t over think it, or put pressure on yourself. If it causes you distress after two weeks of no contact, just tell him, you are not ready at this time for friendship, that it is too soon. Try to take it one day at a time, one hour at a time. You are going to go through alot of emotions. But, if you really love this man, you can get the passion back.