Dear Luna:

You shared that you spend a lot of time in bed or on the sofa because of a health condition, unable to get out and to exercise. You saw your now ex boyfriend about once a week for a year and a half (I imagine he visited you in your home), and communicated with him daily. He was your only and best friend. He said he wants to remain your friend but you are afraid that if and when he has another woman in his life, you will feel further hurt. Your anguish over this breakup further hurts your health.

My suggestion: look into possibilities in your life, as limited as it is. Look for something new that you can do, a routine of sorts that is new to you. For example, you can start each day with a guided meditation of your choosing, something to fit the beginning of a day, and you can end each day with a guided meditation of your choosing, something to fit the ending of a day. You can incorporate, perhaps, a limited, relaxing yoga exercise at any one or several times a day, an exercise you can perform at home, one that will not harm you but help you.

There are many other things you can incorporate into your day, nothing too small or insignificant as long as it is well thought of. Focus on your well-being, on being as calm as you can, returning to calm when distressed.

Regarding your ex boyfriend and possibility of being friends with him, that is a tough one. Maybe you can put it into a trial and error test, try to be friends for a week or two, see how it feels. Later you may experiment with no contact with him and see how that feels.

Post again anytime you’d like.

anita

Dear Luna:

You are welcome. I think it is a good idea to ask him for the reason for the breakup. I am surprised he didn’t tell you: how did he present the breakup without telling you the reason?

anita

Dear Luna:

I understand. You wrote in your previous post: “I’m probably a little scared to ask the actual reason as like I said I feel my self esteem is quite low regarding my illness, do you think it’s important for closure to know the reason why so I stop guessing or is it best to just let it go”-

I believe that it is better for our well-being, physical and mental (even the mental is physical, as the mental is made possible by our very physical brain), for out thinking to be congruent with reality, for our thinking to fit reality. The more our thinking fits reality, the better our mental health.

Sometimes reality feels distressing or very … inconvenient, so we avoid it (that would be not asking for his reasons), or escape it, but long term, it harms us, I believe.

Of course, knowing reality depends not only on you asking but on him telling you his truth, his real reasons. When you ask him, you can tell him first that you are interested in the truth, as it is, and that you will be okay with it. That may encourage him to not sugar coat his answer or otherwise give you a dishonest or partially honest answer.

I hope you post again, anytime you’d like. Will be interested to read about your meeting with him.

anita