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Broke up with boyfriend who struggles with mental illness.

HomeForumsRelationshipsBroke up with boyfriend who struggles with mental illness.

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  • #154788
    Tamara
    Participant

    My boyfriend and I have only been together for around 6 months, but prior to this we had been kinda seeing each other for 5 years, but I believe that he was always too scared to be with me.

    He finally made me his girlfriend, and I believe I love him very much, but his mental illness makes it so that he is not able to support me. I also felt that I would offer him too much comfort (staying in bed all day with him, having sex etc.) and that this comfort is not necessarily a vehicle for change. The discomfort that I would bring to the relationship I believe would only distract him from what he really needed to focus on (himself) rather than focusing on our relationship.

    I am still unsure about the idea above, but the biggest reason why I decided that it was important to end it was that I did not want to end up resenting him or not caring about him. I could always feel myself starting to resent him and not care since he was not able to support me and that I needed to protect myself throughout the highs and lows of the relationship– In order to not let the lows affect me, I could then not let the highs affect me as much either which puts me in a state of not caring as much I believe. I also spoke to a friend who was in a similar relationship which ended recently; she spoke about not caring about him whatsoever by the end of it.

    I told myself that I loved my boyfriend way too much to let this happen to my relationship. I also really wanted to be that person that could support him while he was trying to figure things out, but I kept questioning whether or not he was actually trying to help himself. He spoke about change and was trying to smoke less and seemed to be doing well enough at times, but on the other hand he would also put off doing certain things (going to welfare to deal with certain things) in order to see me instead.

    I find it really hard to tell what is real in this relationship, I do believe we both love each other and care about each other. I told him I loved him when we broke up, and I really hope to still be with him in the future. Am I right to try to let him figure things out on his own or should I still be trying to support him at the possible cost of our relationship??

    #154866
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Tamara:

    You have the right to end a relationship with a man for any reason you choose.

    For a relationship to be healthy, it needs to be a Win-Win proposition, win for you and win for him. If it is a Lose for you, then better end it.

    You wrote: “he is not able to support me”- can you elaborate on this; what kind of support is he unable to give you?

    anita

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