Hi,
I was in relationship with my schoolmate a year back. We planned to get married. Her behaviour was free but I was very conservative about relationships. Her parents were not happy with me as my educational qualification was less than girl. She fought for me with her parents and manage them for marriage. On other side I was struggling with my anxeity and doubt about her. I was trying to keep by doubts aside but fail to do so. It lead conflicts in our relationship and I was getting insulted by her whenever I use to ask question about her past ( I knew it was wrong but due to my bad past experiance I was not able to put full trust on her). There was always a comparison with other couples with me that they are not taking doubt or asking question. I was depressed and was feeling uncompatible. Under this stress I told her to discontinue this relationship. It took three days for me to decide about breakup. She was very sad beacuse of this and I was also in broken stage. It was very hard for me to break bond. After that she wanted to continue the friendship but I was serious about broken relation. I went to counsellor and sorted out the anxeity issues planted in me. During this time I started convincing her for marriage as she was in love with me. I expalained everything about past incident but she denied to get married. I tried to convince her about four months. When ever i tried to convince her she went to same point of breakup and blame me for that everytime. I listen everything as I was at fault. Somehow she got convinced but with insecurity she asked her parents about patch up which they strongly denied. After that i stoped contact with her but she use to contact me. When ever I asked her to rethink about marriage she denied. She use to say she have feeling for me but marriage is not possible. I was very frustrated and stoped asking her about marriage. On over last call we engage in argument. She again started pointing out the same past breakup and started blaming me for it. This time I got angry and said we never patch up that good thing happen to me as after marriage even on small issue you would have diged out that point and will keep blaming me. I was very angry and told her to not to contact me again.
Now I feel very guilty about her that I shouted at her. I feel very bad about breakup happened at first place. I feel loaded with guitiness that I was unable to do justice to her love and the sadness of loosing loved one is additional pain.