October 16, 2013 at 1:06 pm #43881CourageousParticipant
To make a long story short, my husband of 10+ years left me for another woman. Right before this happened I found out that he had multiple affairs throughout the years with other woman (at least 5 that I know of). Some of those lasted for 2 years.
At the beginning of your marriage I cheated on him but he forgave and stayed together. After I did this, I continuously showed him that it was a big mistake and never gave him a reason to doubt me again. I have been faithful to him all these years.
Now he says that he needs to start again because we have done too much to each other and that he needs to start fresh with a new person. He claims that he is doing this because he needs to be the man he was supposed to be (not lying and cheating) and that he can to this with this woman.
I have tried to stay away from him and not communicate with him but he is making a little difficult for me because he continues to try to communicate with me because he wants to remain friends. He tells me that he loves me and that he is sorry that he is giving this other woman what I always wanted.
Even though he says that he will not cheat, the last time I saw him he wanted to be intimate with me. I was thinking that if he really was a changed man than he would not want to do this. Even though I had promised myself that I was not going to do it, I ended up falling for it and ended up having sex with him. Now, he has been clear with me that it is over between us.
I know that I shouldn’t do this but I love him and I guess this gives me some false hope. I don’t’ know what to do and how to just say no and value myself. Now I’m feeling like I’m “the other woman”
Please if you have been in this situation, give me some advice or even if you haven’t I just need to get out of this mess and I don’t know how to. I need to value myself more and have some self respect. I say it but I can seem to be able to execute it.October 16, 2013 at 4:32 pm #43888AmitParticipant
I can’t say I have been in a situation like yours, but I can only begin to imagine the pain that you are going through.
I believe that “all the answers that I seek lie within me”. Sometimes when I am too close to a problem I don’t see the solution, which generally is right in front of me. That’s why I seek a friends help in pointing out the answer to me. Sometimes its hard for me to accept it, but when i ask my “inner self ” it generally agrees with the solution.
In your case the answer to you situation lies within you as well. All you need to do is identify what you think will make you truly happy and go with that solution.
What I see is that you need to connect with yourself by being in environments in which you are happy. Get your self esteem back by introspection. If your husband doesn’t want to be with you, its a tough decision for you as well to let the past go, but you will have to make it at some point. The sooner you accept that the quicker you will feel better about it. I will use a quote from the movie Kung Fu Panda “The past is history. The future is a mystery. Today is a gift, that’s why its called ‘Present'”
Connect with your inner self through meditation and once the connection is established your inner self will guide you to a solution that will make you happy in the present, thus creating a happy future.
AmitOctober 16, 2013 at 5:35 pm #43890KlineParticipant
I agree, Amit.
It is so much easier for someone other than yourself to see the big picture. Here is the big picture: Make a big U-turn and turn away. Life allows U-turns. There is absolutely no reason for you to continue to be in a relationship with this man. None whatsoever. I know that is hard to see because you have this feeling of love for this man. Of course you do – you invested ten years of your life into being with him. But Love is so much more than a feeling. It is beyond feelings. Love encompasses health, your truest self, the solution that “will make you Truly happy” – as Amit says. You will not be happy together with this man, either as a partner or as a friend. He will not make your life better, and he will not help you find Love in the truest sense. You have your entire life in front of you. My Buddha’s wisdom be with you.October 16, 2013 at 5:35 pm #43892KlineParticipant
May Buddha’s wisdom be with you, I meant to say.October 16, 2013 at 5:59 pm #43894TriciaParticipant
I’m no expert or anything, and I haven’t even posted yet but this hit so close to home. I have been cheated on many times – therefore I have trust issues and have never been married, but have been engaged.
I just say if you can’t trust and you have to worry every time you turn your back on him, isn’t that too much negative energy? He’s not worth that right?
I’m so sorry you have to feel that pain – I know how bad it hurts.October 17, 2013 at 4:37 am #43908CourageousParticipant
Thank you guys for your comments and for giving me your perspective. I will take each piece of advice and read it over and over until i get it through my head that the best I can do for myself is to walk away and never look back.