Forum Replies Created
February 20, 2017 at 8:23 am #128501
I have sympathy and your feelings of guilt. Since you talk in Christian terms – guilt is a product of the devil. Guilt is evil. Or, I can simply say it is not a useful tool to help anyone and so should be removed from the toolbox of helpful things. Knowledge of what is right and wrong and compassion for yourself and others are useful tools and so use those to the fullest.
Guilt is like a punishment; it like hitting a kid who lies, and telling him how bad he is. Knowledge is sitting with the kid, and explaining why he shouldn’t lie. A kind God wants us to learn and that is it. He does not want to punish. That is a myth that is leftover over from days where people make sacrifices to the gods to please them.
I hope you can first of all have compassion for yourself, and understand that you were seeking connection like all human beings. You are also know that you have hurt her because she wants something more.
But you are not responsible for her feelings. This is great lesson that is expressed over and over again on this website. It is really true. Think of cases where a parent abuses a child. That child, even with horrible things done to him, once he is an adult is still responsible for his actions.
You are not responsible for her. She needs to take responsibility for herself. You should not feel bad about ending contact with her, just end it in as a loving way as possible. She will probably not be able to move on unless you end contact with her, based on how you describe her – maybe like in a year from now, you could just be friends. But if you do stay in touch now, I think you need to tell her your boundries and stick to them, one of them being – I will not respond to any accusation.
BestMay 31, 2015 at 3:31 pm #77537
Thank you for sharing your story, sam123. I don’t have any advice but I can relate. Anita I appreciated your advice above, and also the other ideas I have heard.March 9, 2015 at 6:42 pm #73767
I agree with everything said above. Sometimes you just need what people say to jibe with what is in your heart. There is no way this man is the one who is going to care for you and love you. No way. He hasn’t had time to learn how to treat a woman right. By the time he does, you will have moved on. As far as letting go, the biggest way to start helping yourself, is to take a step away from the thought of him, have compassion on yourself, and say to yourself, O I am thinking about this again. Look, there go those thoughts again. After you accept it for a while you can let the thought go, until it comes around again. Thoughts and feelings are not really us. They are just our attachments to this world. Our true self is full of compassion, and tries to look at these thoughts with compassion and even humor – Ah, yes, from the perspective history of the whole human race – look at this thought tangle I have.
Well, and of course there are many other ways to move forward, and create your beautiful life, but that is one to try. Take care of yourself.March 2, 2015 at 6:56 pm #73453
Hello Annaliskincaid, I think that this great that you want to be a nurse. That sounds like a great plan to start with. Nurses have many opportunities to learn and grow, they make good money, and they help others. Ask around at hospitals and doctors offices and see if you can work there doing any work to gain some experience. Find housing nearby and even apply for subsidized housing. Move somewhere where you can take a bus. Take an online class. Do some “interviewing” – not for a job, but where you call and schedule a 30 minute appointment to ask a nurse how he or she got there, and what suggestions they have. Most people are willing to help, if you give them a choice of when to talk. Ask if you can shadow a nurse for an afternoon. Do something little every day to work towards your goal, even if it is only scheduling in 20 minutes and then journaling about why you want to be a nurse.
I am sorry about your dad.November 18, 2014 at 4:58 pm #68071
My advice is to think of your looking for a job as a full time job. Set aside 40 hours week, and try to spend your time “off” doing things you enjoy. Even if you have other little things to do, don’t let that take time away for your “job” of job searching – you wouldn’t do that if you were employed. Also be open to taking work that you would think you would nottake, like retail, restaurant work, cleaning, etc., even though it doesn’t fit with your degree. You would be surprised how impressive it is to employers that you have shown that you didn’t think you were too smart for a certain type of job. Also a variety of experiences opens your mind, and helps you realize, there is a much wider variety of work opportunities out there than we think.
Also, if you do not like teaching kids, trying volunteering a few hours a week teaching adults. You might be surprised how different it is. Good luck!October 23, 2014 at 6:57 pm #66712
Hi Bill, It is nice to hear you write. It is somehow comforting to know that people older than me struggle. This knowledge gets me away from the idea that I have to have everything worked out at some point in time. (I am in my 30s) Somehow, it easier to accept that I perhaps never will, at least not perfectly. But we can keep trying. I too worry about my path in life. I am not sure if I should stay where I am, or if i should leave, and I think about this question a lot. I have tried to divide my thoughts into two types, when trying to answer life path decisions: worrying and dreaming. If I notice I am worrying (and I don’t always, because I am so caught up in the worry), I try to attend to what is right in front of me. For dreaming, I set aside some particular times, e.g. 30 minutes in the evening, and try to dream about or visualize possibilities.August 4, 2014 at 7:26 am #62575
You were here about a month and a half ago. How are you currently doing?
Best wishes in your struggle.June 17, 2014 at 8:13 pm #59060
Hi Amanda, I am so sorry. I often run across an advert for Rachel’s Vineyard, specifically for healing after an abortion:
http://www.rachelsvineyard.org/March 12, 2014 at 7:57 pm #52728
Ah – your intuition is telling you to not have the baby. (I just saw this reply after reading the last one). I still think it would be best for all involved to consider the third party in this decision – that is, the baby. Good luck and I will hold you in the light.March 12, 2014 at 7:43 pm #52726
Thank you for sharing. Life always wants to live. My certain wisdom is that your baby wants to live. I would seek counsel from a spiritual adviser who you really trust and a pregnancy center. You are right – there is no perfect time to have a baby. It will be an adventure of love. God and peace be with you.March 11, 2014 at 5:32 pm #52656
Hi Alex, I can relate to what you are saying. A book that has helped me lately is 7 habits of highly effective people. I have heard of this book for years, and thought it sounded cheesy, but I can relate to what Steven Covey says, and I think it has a lot of spiritual connections, even if he doesn’t talk about what these connections are.
I think it is possible to take two steps – one is to take time to intentionally sit with where you are each day. Don’t just let the days pass, but actually schedule 30 minutes each day to sit comfortably and say to yourself, “I am going to spend time with this problem.” Don’t try to judge yourself, and don’t try to figure everything out. That is what you do for the rest of the day probably. But take a break from those knots in your mind, and just sit without judgement.
Another step, is to be very honest with yourself about something you truly enjoy doing – not something that you think you should like, , but instead think about what you really enjoy, savor whatever is in your mind, and then take a small step to go for whatever it is.
For me, I had to look carefully at my enjoyment of sports. Yes, I love exercise, but when I was very honest with myself, I realized there were times I actually did not enjoy exercise, because I was doing it for the wrong reasons (at times) – I was in some race to keep my body in shape, for sake of pleasing an image placed in front of me by the media. But when I really sat for a while with my enjoyment of sports, I found I could be more authentic with what I was doing.
You are doing well, because you are reaching out for answers, keep reaching out – you will find them.
There is nothing that says you need to stay in London – although you made a point similar to this quote – “If you don’t find Truth where you are, where, do you think you will find it?”
But if after some time of sitting with this, if you still feel promptings to leave, – I think that is following your intuition, which is one great source of Truth.
And finally my advice is this – find your spiritual spring – that may be a church, mosque, synagoque, or buddhist temple – i am sure there are so many options in London. The leaders and teachings of these great places are waiting for every person.March 11, 2014 at 5:06 pm #52649
Recently I read something about making decisions – to first try to look at the decision “indifferently” as if you really, truly didn’t care about the outcome. I can’t imagine what decision would be life or death, so it hard to me to give advice.
Also, if your fear is coming from your intuition, the answer is always always always to walk away. Your intuition is always right.March 10, 2014 at 6:43 pm #52613
I agree – Never heard of Ho’oponopono looks great. Thank you for the idea.March 6, 2014 at 3:40 pm #52424
Chad (and Bluesses),
I have appreciated your posts on this thread and others. I needed the same advice that you gave Bluesses. I think when someone is gone as a partner, it is for a good reason. When we open up to someone so much that we move in, and are intimate we are basically saying – I accept you for who you are unconditionally. If you go back on that, it is really a breach of trust. Someone like this guy who is willing to be friends afterwards is someone special. Most people cannot do that. I would try to accept his friendship as a gift when he reaches out to you, but not reach out to him as much. Give yourself some time and space to ask questions about who you really are. C.S. Lewis said, pain is God’s wake-up call. Whether we cause ourselves pain or others cause us pain, there is the great opportunity, to take a long pause, reflect on what life is really asking of us, in the truest sense. I am learning similar lessons, Bluesses, – we are all so fragile in our desire to be loved that we look for it without being fully “awake” – but now is always the time – a saying from Buddha – the best time to awake is now.
February 12, 2014 at 2:55 pm #50872
- This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by Kline.
My question is – how do you find what you are called to do?