Hi Becky,

When you lived together, you saw his Shadow Side. Everyone has one, by the way. He made the mistake of showing his. Constantly for two years!! I can see getting back together with someone after they had said something in anger or had one good fight. But this was emotional abuse.

If you get back together with him, don’t move in with him. And would you really marry or have a child with him? Then you’re stuck.

Him not knowing where you live? Very wise.

The more you “deal” with the flashbacks, the more they stay with you. But if you push them back, they are still in you subconscious. Time, time, and more time will make it a little better by increments.

Pick Someone who Treats you like a Queen,

Inky

Yeah, if he abused you to the point that you’re still having flashbacks and it’s affected your ability to work, maybe err on the side of not giving him another chance to do that again.

Sometimes relationships are broken beyond repair. I think this is one of those times.

You should definitely work on letting go of the past and dealing with it so it doesn’t haunt you to this degree. But I’m not going to give you advice on how to do that so you can get back with this guy. I think both of you should take the lessons you learned and apply them to your next relationship, not try to resurrect something that should have been in the graveyard for a year.

I think the issue on forgiving this guy is clearly resolved. You’ve forgiven him, if not, you will not communicate with him or even consider to get back with him again.

The only problem is that, even after getting the attention and “Everything a woman wants from a man” from him, you still have those flashbacks. That means a lot that is why you are hesitating on being with him again!

It means you believe it in your heart that he is that monster even though he is showing you his angel face now.

This is one of the reasons why i agree with “Will” that this is one of those broken relationships beyond repair, because as much as you have forgiven him and still loved him, those flashbacks still haunts you.

Therefore, even if you convince yourself that your love for him is stronger than your fears, you will never have a peaceful relationship ever again. Because everyday, at the back of your mind, you’ll always have that fear and doubts about him.

But yes, agreed, you’ve forgiven him, give it to yourself!

The real question is, do you really want to forget him?

If you do, as difficult and cruel it may sound, i suggest that you tell him for the last time what is really hindering you to be with him again. I say tell him, don’t discuss it with him, this is just to say goodbye and not to try resolve it with him.

Then cut him off your life at least, until you are able to move on with your life. You succeeded on not letting him know where you live, try hard on cutting him off of your social media accounts and if possible ignore his text messages or his phone calls and don’t meet him anymore.

You will not be able to forget him if you keep your communication with him open. It is not your secret residence that is preventing you to move on or to forget him, it is your communication with him.

How can you forget him when you are not trying to forget him? Allow yourself to entertain other men to shower you the love and care you deserved?

If after cutting him off of your life and you allowed yourself to live your life with other prospect of love, you realize you still love him and you still remember him, then fine, it is justified you truly love him and you cannot forget him!

But justifying your true love for him and not being able to forget him does not justify getting back with him, because sometimes, the romantic idea of ending up with the one you love for the rest of your life is not romantic at all. Sometimes, loving yourself so that another person can love you wholeheartedly is the best way to go.

Love yourself and allow yourself to be loved “correctly”!

You’ve already wasted two years of your life to be abused by this guy and another year after you broke up, to be still controlled by him, don’t waste another day please.

For him to continue control your life like this is so selfish of him. That alone, should give you an idea of his kind of love.

So, you really want to forgive and forget him? You’ve done the forgiving part, start on the forgetting, let go of him and live your life without him, and if that doesn’t work, maybe you are not suppose to forget him, maybe you should always remember him so you will always be reminded that his way of love is not the right way of expressing love.