April 27, 2015 at 3:01 pm #75880Maria MangoParticipant
I’m in my mid-twenties, full time student, full time waitress. I’m so overwhelmed, grumpy, and negative even though things are going really well for me! What can I do to stay positive? Why can’t I appreciate the good things?
Just some background: I had a relatively difficult child/young-adulthood, dropped out of college after three years, spent two years being bummed about it, then picked myself back up and set out on my own, away from my unsupportive family. I got back into a different school, moved, got a new job and have been busting it out for about a year now. I have decent grades and a loving boyfriend who has stuck by me even though he now lives an hour away, yet I just can’t help focusing on the negative aspects of my life. I worry almost compulsively and am very anxious of things being out of my control. Even though I guess I’m pretty well liked, I always feel I am annoying, ugly, that no one wants me around, that I’m not good enough, and that I’ll never be accepted by anyone. I am my own biggest bully. It makes me so sad and frustrated to feel this way!
So in short, HELP!April 27, 2015 at 5:43 pm #75886KyleParticipant
Sounds like based on your past you may be holding on to something and as a result it has now slipped into your adult life. You have the right to feel overwhelmed but its how you look at it that will define you. The fact that your moving forward with your life is a accomplishment in itself. You’ve picked up some pieces to the puzzle, but just like that puzzle box their are either some pieces that are missing or a few pieces to other puzzles that dont belong. It may be helpful to realize that this busy time is only a season. Your working towards a goal. If you have supportive people around you know and friends you may be feeling unworthy due to having non supportive family. You deserve it just like you deserve to be happy. Remember happiness is a choice. You are in a position to accomplish some great things. You’ve picked yourself up, you have love, friends and a bright future.April 28, 2015 at 4:56 am #75908Bon VitaParticipant
It seems like you need to show yourself some self-love first and foremost! It doesn’t matter how much others love us, if we don’t love and appreciate ourselves, we’ll never be happy or feel the love that they give us. You can find a variety of content on our site to help you with this – but we’re not here to advertise. In short though, you must remember that you cannot not love or appreciate anything, unless you love and appreciate yourself.
It’s very easy to say that you want to be positive and try and force yourself to be positive, but it’s pretty illogical when you don’t actually feel it. The reason we struggle to see things positively is because of our mindset – how we perceive things. To change this, you must seek to shift perspective; positive people see the cup as half full, rather than half empty. This can be achieved by various daily practices such as simply showing gratitude, being around positive people, meditation, reading, etc.
Your past seems to have really taken a toll on you and it’s understandable. The reason why we think in the way we do is because of our underlying beliefs. They are not at a conscious level, but rather at the subconscious level. Beliefs and feelings manifest as our reality, if they are negative, you are likely to see more negative, if they are positive, then you’re likely to see more positive. This is very important to remember. You always have the power over your future, by choice. Although right now you may feel that you can’t choose how you feel, you can always choose to make an effort to focus on everything good in your life, and also make changes to remove anything you deem as toxic, and take the time out to take on daily practices that will start shifting your mindset to a more positive one.
You need to give yourself more credit for what you’ve accomplished so far! Start counting your blessings, your achievements and the people in your life that really matter. This is probably a great place to start.
There’s plenty of material on this site, our site and all around Google to help you find your way and feel more positive too. You deserve to be happy 🙂April 28, 2015 at 5:22 am #75911InkyParticipant
Also keep in mind that you may feel out of step with the other students. They may be: Younger, free, have supportive families, have a boyfriend in the next quad, travel in a gaggle of friends and conventionally attractive. Now, not everyone is like that! That is your perception! Now, the student sitting next to you may be broke, lonely, doesn’t have a family to go back to ~ you just don’t know!
Little things can brighten your day. Also, little things that are good for you. And routines.
For example: Listening to classical music/jazz/international music when you cook. Watching a black and white movie. Dressing up. A spritz of perfume. Leisurely reading the classics from a leather bound book. Eating whole foods. Drinking tea. Making your bed every morning. Singing from musicals. Any Etc. you want!!
At first it may feel forced, but eventually you will look forward to the day!
I love Flylady.net and Madame Chic (google them).
Hang in There!
InkyApril 28, 2015 at 5:40 pm #75924pamelaParticipant
always look forward to a post from inky…always wise and thoughtful post. I’m hoping and i think working on myself to maybe one day be at a point where i can be as positive and focused.April 29, 2015 at 5:22 am #75947InkyParticipant
Thanks Pamela! 🙂April 29, 2015 at 8:30 pm #75961Maria MangoParticipant
Thank you all so much, your responses are so kind and helpful!