Hi,
I’m in a torture chamber of emotions right now not because of what I did do but because of what I didn’t do. I have bystander guilt for two accounts and I’m having a rough time getting past it and moving on with my life.
Last year I studied abroad in Spain. My friend and I went to what we thought was a night club but turned out to be a rave. The place was in the sketchiest area. Cops outside with dogs. Guys high and drunk outside walking towards us and whistling. I don’t know why we decided to go in but we did. Everyone was wearing punk clothes and there were more guys than girls. A lot of people were high. My friend and I stood out because we weren’t dressed like them and we were sober. Long story short the place was creepy. An hour after trying to make the most of it my friend was tired of this so we left. As we were leaving down one of the platforms we were walking on there was a girl about our age (early twenties) lying on the ground. I nudged her and asked if she was ok. She murmured words I couldn’t understand and there was foam from her mouth. It was really scary. I knew she was really really high. And I just thought “she’s conscious. Cool. But really really high. This place is creepy. Let’s go.” Something deep down felt something was up. My friend said c’mon let’s go and so we left. In fact, ironically the high girl on the ground was the turning point for me to leave immediately. I would retell the story and describe this girl and say how scary and high she was. Only about six months later I realized she was overdosing and looking back I can’t believe I didn’t help her and simply followed my friend. I have no idea what happened to her. She could be dead because of that.
Second account. I was a waitress at my job. A week before a former sex traffick and prostitue gave a presentation in a college class. She informed us what to look out for and the common misconceptions that society has towards prostitution (i.e. it’s his or her choice, he/she loves their job). Fast forward and this creepy man with an Asian woman who doesn’t know that much English orders food. I know something isn’t right. I hear a co worker saying “look. He totally bought her”. Meanwhile, I’m thinking no she’s a mail order bride and that it’s her choice to sign up for a website. The woman who gave the presentation’s face kept on popping up in my mind and I start remembering the presentation but I keep thinking she’s a mail order bride. Hours after my shift I realize she probably wasn’t. While my co workers thought prostitues make money at their jobs and it’s their choice I knew from the presentation they don’t. This woman could be repeatedly getting raped.

Pretty much, I feel ashamed and guilty for my inactions. Because I didn’t intervene a girl could be dead and a woman could be continually being raped and imprisoned. I plugged the human trafficking hotline and poison control hotline in my contacts. I plan on learning cpr and emergency first aid and take an overdose class and carry those overdose syringes with me but I feel like I don’t deserve to live a happy and fulfilling life because of these two incidences. My family has said I didn’t know but in the famous Kitty Genovese case (Genovese was stabbed multiple times crying for help while a bunch of people watched) the bystanders had multiple accounts, a lot of them saying they thought it was an argument with a lover. I guess you could say they didn’t know either. In reality they froze. I froze too. And because I froze horrible things probably happened. I hate myself right now and feel guilty when I feel positive. I always thought I would be the woman who jumps in. It’s just depressing to know how passively I actted. How do I get past this and move on with my life? How do I take responsibility for my actions (or rather inactions) but not let those two incidences define me?