April 8, 2017 at 2:27 am #144161
Wouldn’t itb be great if first thing in the am your personal persona showed up ready to inspire you and get you motivated to do the the things you’ve been too uninspired and blah to take action? You know when. You’re tempted to get back in bed when you’ve told yourself the day has started. Or when you’re moody, they know how to.read you like a book and suggest something you didn’t even know you needed. It’s like a you you wish you were and a healthier version who, unlike you is twiddling your thumbs, figuring out what you’re need are. She already knows cuz she’s not codependent and doesn’t have too cut through who’s needs are whose…..she kicks my ass, reinforcing good behaviors equal good feelings……
Surely there will be a robot for this in the futurrm….its a.personal coach who doesn’t just take your word that you’ve done th he assigned homework, she’s right there….after all she should be…she won’t let you stay your half assigned version of you despite your excuses and pleas….she knows the very act of having excuses is what’s made you C rated you. C rated people.can’t give what A rated folks.do. which is why you need her.April 8, 2017 at 8:26 am #144193anitaParticipant
That “personal persona” you mentioned, who motivates, inspires and guides you throughout the day- that is a persona you can become for yourself, aka for some as “an inner (loving) parent” and even “an inner best friend” or as I call it a-loving-Superego.
Our dominant parent (I am simplifying) becomes our Superego. If we had an unloving, abusive parent, our superego- the mental representative of that parent- continues to un-love and abuse us through our adult life. If we have a loving, attentive; motivating, inspiring parent, we automatically have such a Superego.
In the case of an un-loving parent, represented by an un-loving Superego, the only way to heal from lack of love (and from abuse) is to change that Superego into a loving one, to that “personal persona” you described. It is possible.
anitaApril 8, 2017 at 3:00 pm #144217
Anita. You are so very bright. I consider myself to be quite insightful however it’s not always easy to see things objectively as you do. I enjoy your comments.
Ok….ypu are so very right!! Funny as I didn’t even see it from the angle you didid. My superego is my mothrr…..sigh….as a child I never understood nor liked how she never seemed to believe in herself, often she would put herself down and she always projected scarcity and fear. I so needed encouragement and support and she, always seemed perplexed by my “issues.” I recall having a terrible panic attack at age q2. Fearing I was dying (as literally I was on inskde), it came to her to consult me and make me feel beyter. I asked her what’s wrong with me, am I ok? She was like, I don’t know…..with this look of terror and annoyance on her face. I thought, am I living in the twilight zone? Do I have to parent my own mother?! Well, yes I did. She confided in me about her awful marriage and always turned me against my dad. Then, she would betray me by aligning with him. It was all very weird. But I always knew tjat I needed tjat positivity she lacked.
It’s difficult growing up into adulthood not knowing a damn things about life. I’ve had to learn to parent myself, figure out what my needs were..once I realized that I had those as well. For the last 15yrs my lkfe has been a journey backwards into the past, sifting out the chaos and healing from the pain. I finally feel like I’ve made peace with it all.
I don’t believe in past lives or several lives…once to live once to die..i read an article once where it was said tjat we come into this world and choose pur parents and yada yada…..i thought, yeah, and how do you know this? Anyways, I ponder sometimes why would we choose the awful things? I look at my childhood and my.parents and tbink, ok,…did I sleep in and miss this class? It’s a randomized test, where you fill in bubbkes. “A” wonderful childhood. “B” find the silver lining, it’s going yo suck…”c” ever been a 5yr old parent? Emotional abandonment lovers tbis is for you, lots of therapy here, or “d” for those advanced souls who need to dumb it down a bit so you can relate to the ignorant…why?…looks good on resume.
It does make me.laugh when people say before you were born you choose, etc…like how the hell do you know tjat?
Anita…..how old are you if I may ask and how long have you been on this site? I’ve been on beforr….in the past and I’m amazed tjat you are such an integral part of these forums.April 8, 2017 at 3:02 pm #144219
Q2 years old is a fancy way of saying 12. LolApril 8, 2017 at 8:54 pm #144243anitaParticipant
I think I’ve been posting here since 2015. Thank you for the kind comment.
What you shared about your mother had to be a terrifying experience for the child that you were. You wrote: “I thought, am I living in the twilight zone?”- I bet you didn’t think it, but worse: you lived it.
You wrote: “It’s difficult growing up into adulthood not knowing a damn things about life.”-
not knowing a damn thing about life would have been better, for me, than knowing what I did learn by the time I became an adult. Better if I knew nothing, then I would have had a clean slate.
When I attended my first competent psychotherapy, six years ago, the long, long… long process of unlearning started, unlearning all that brought about decades of dysfunctional life.
So, yes, I wish I knew nothing at 18.
anitaApril 13, 2017 at 7:34 pm #144979MerriegoldParticipant
Your thoughts guys are so insightful. I have learned new thing of this topic. Great!