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Can I make things better in anyway?

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  • #60439
    Peter
    Participant

    Last week, I broke up with my girlfriend. Very quickly, faced with the pain and reality of the situation and what I had just done, I tried to undo what I did. She wouldn’t take me back.

    I’ve come to realize that I need some professional help and that I’m not a very good candidate for a relationship.

    Over the past few days, after weeks of anxiety and a flare up of OCD, I’ve felt better. Seeing me in a better state of mind, my ex is questioning herself and wondering what she could have done to have made the relationship better.

    Now, I feel horribly guilty, not just for the break-up, but also for making her doubt herself.

    Can I make things better in anyway?

    #60443
    Brody Tripp
    Participant

    Peter, I have never been a master of relationships myself and so I don’t urge you to take my advice religiously…
    but in all human connections I find that communication to the most maximum degree helps clears any internal conflict or guilt-ridden thoughts out of the way… It may hurt more at the time of communication but that is because you are taking what is unspoken and exposing it to the light of truth and tomorrow it will not be so much of a problem; it will have been dealt with. Even if what needs to be said may hurt one or the other, what comes from the truth is never good or bad – it is simply THE truth and will allow both you and your girlfriend to progress along your own paths as was meant to be without this roadblock of guilt (from you) and hurt/worry (from her) that has arisen from your break up.
    Basically, tell her exactly how you feel – you are sad to close the door on your relationship BUT make sure your reasons for doing so are always CRYSTAL CLEAR to her that this decision is about YOU and not because of anything negative on her part… Should your intentions and concerns be expressed thoroughly enough, then there’s NO reason to feel guilt! Pain is inevitable and like I said, can simply be a product of facing internal truths. You NEED to help and love yourself before you can love another person whole-heartedly. This will hurt her, but only for the time being – if she is a good human then it become clear to her soon enough that it was true, you simply needed to find your own stability before putting all your emotional investment into the stability of a relationship.
    Good luck and I hope your issues are soon resolved, guilt can slowly but surely rot your emotional wellbeing and unless you’ve committed serious misdeeds it is usually an uncalled for deterrent; but also on that note, guilt is so often simply the byproduct of being a caring, thoughtful and empathetic human. 🙂

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Brody Tripp.
    #60566
    Lilly
    Participant

    Hi Peter!
    I feel like maybe it’s a good thing that you broke up with her. Nobody is perfect and you were following your heart at that time. Do not feel guilty about anything. You can’t MAKE anyone doubt themselves. She is doing it all on her own. Sounds like she is having some inner confusion herself, that was only brought out by your actions. It was already in there, laying dormant, and sometimes things happen in order to help oneself or another deal with certain “inner demons” that need to come out and be healed. Nothing happens by mistake in life and especially this. Have confidence in your decision at that time to break things off, and approach this situation with love, only love. But try not to bring toxic emotions of guilt into the mix. We’re all on this earth learning and living through experiences just like this. It’s what we’re here for! Send her love and if you wish to try to mend the relationship, maybe refocus on why you broke it off in the first place. Perhaps, that’s where the wisdom lies.

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