Hello everyone, first of all I’m sorry for my grammar, I’m not a native speaker. I’ll try to make a brief summary of what’s been happening in my relationship for the past four years.

We met at school and were good friends first, but eventually we liked each other and started dating. We dated a lot but never really were something oficially because he “wasn’t sure of this” not because he didn’t love me, but because he felt he was lost in life, and he needed to arrange things with himself first, he didn’t wanted to hurt me. Sometimes he apparently was sure of being with me, but in the end he didn’t and this hurted like hell. I was tired and wanted to move on with my life but he promised me that if I gave him one last chance I wouldn’t regret it and so it was. We were together for one year and a half until we both went to study abroad programs for six months. We managed it very well but the first day we got back together he broke up with me because he wasn’t sure that he loved me. I wasn’t expecting that because of all the things he said to me the last months and because t was only the first day I got back, how can you decide something like that? I got very depressed but later on I talked to him and he told me that he has been feeling depressed, I believed him because when we were studying abroad he started feeling terrible and he confessed me that this was something he was struggling with years ago, that’s why he told me several times that he wasn’t ready. It was hard for me to believe him at first, because we lived one year together and I thought it was over because I couldn’t see that in our daily lives.

Eventually we got back together but we only lasted for 2 weeks after he broke up with me again. I was sad but not as devastated as the first time. Less than two weeks later he tried to commit suicide by taking some pills. He is not from this country, he is dominican so his mom took a flight to mexico and it was until then that his family and friends knew he was depressed, because I was the only one that knew it before. I spend three days with him at the hospital and a week later of this episode he left school temporarily and went to his country to get treatment. He has been doing awesome, he is taking his pills, going to the therapist and he even has a job.

He is trying to get back together with me, arguing that after he took treatment he regained joy of doing what he did before, and of talking to me. I still love him, I love him so much, but I’m hurt of the way he treated me during the semester. I also know that he had sex with three girls after we broke up, he argues that we were not together and it was just sex, but for me is different… The point is that when I asked him (before we got back together those two weeks) if he had sex with someone, he told me “no”. He lied to me and that’s something I figure out after the suicide episode and that really really hurt me. He is getting back to mexico to start the next semester in August, but I don’t now if I can forgive him. Sometimes I believe there was so much lies and pain during this semester, there was indifference. But on the other hand I take in account the depression factor and how he was struggling with it from years ago. He want’s to pay a ticket for me to visit him during summer, but I’m not sure. He is putting a lot of effort of getting back with me but some days im excited and some other days Im mad, sad, and regretful. He doesn’t know this but I don’t know how to say it, because I don’t even know exactly how I feel. He is a wonderful man and whenever I am with him I feel so happy, but I’m scared this “I don’t now if we can be together” episode might repeat, Im tired of this… Maybe after he admitted his depression and after therapy things might be different? For real?