Can an unconditional and romantic love be strong enough to survive so much noise and hate that is coming our way?
The reality: – Man cannot get out of his marriage. Spouse files motion after motion, and delays after delays. Continues to not agree to split assets and continues to not be available for mediation discussion or any court dates. Delays a day or two before a scheduled date and doesn’t go forward. Delays too numerous to count in last 2 years. Man has no resources to get out of the paid-for marital home, as he is paying all the expenses of keeping house up and all taxes,utilities and upkeep. At least doesn’t have to pay mortgage. Spouse living with her girlfriends for 2 1/2 years now , with no expenses and no need to settle. Man needs to settle with spouse, in order to obtain cash for buying a car, and getting a rental apartment. Has no savings, as every last dime went to save house from bankruptcy 4 years ago. Grown sons live in the marital home and contribute nothing, except for their own occasional food. Come and go as they please, sometimes gone for days and return with no explanation or where they went. Daily contact with their mom, so it is suspected all info about the man is getting back to her, though he does nothing but work, sleep and watch TV. Man is borrowing one son’s car for work. Son refuses to let him buy it
( sons together own 3 cars). Sons have low-end jobs and sparingly at that. Wont or cant contribute. Man now has 10K in medical expenses from unforeseen illness past September. Pension cut off since November, since he makes more money than allowable, to keep collecting. Only has his job salary to pay for everything, while fighting with multiple entities within the pension office about reinstatement. Government can take months to correct things.
The reality: – A woman wants to leave her spouse, (he doesnt know), but divorce lawyer has let her know the following:
+ Woman makes 2 1/2 times what her spouse does. She may be liable for half of his rent, if he should move, up to the 50% limit of the current apartment both live in. ($1,600 rent – so he could get $800 for me to pay, for him to live elsewhere, or I have to pay him $800 to stay there) I would then have to find ANOTHER place to live and pay my own rent.
+ He is eligible for 50% of assets or more or less. If he can prove adultery or that he is an older man (64), retiring and cant work, he can ask judge for more as a fault of divorce (Southern state frowns upon adultery and really punishes the adulterer with more assets taken away). This also could take years of not demonstrating anyone is in my life for 6 months or more after separation. ( More lies……..)
Is the drama/ stress/noise/ anxiety/ frustration, going to doom us? I CANT take care of another man again. The man never asks for anything financially from me to help him. I and he could lose everything, if we walk away and leave it behind. It becomes a Win/Lose situation. They win it all, and we walk away with little to nothing. This is breaking me and him. This is breaking my spirit, hope and courage. Can money and frustration break us apart, after all this? I will live apart, but the hope of a peaceful, warm life together later, is quickly fading away. AM I being a fool? Can deep love for him and he for me keep us intact? I was on the verge of leaving in a few weeks, until this has made me check the reality in the last few days and what it could mean. Money isn’t everything, but the lack of it and other person’s leverage over your life can really break you down. What now, I ask? Have I been a Pollyanna, thinking it could work, after all this? I am at a standstill at this moment……