Dear Rocky:

The suicidal thoughts, you are having them because you are in so much pain, aren’t you? You are so hurt inside and so distressed over the hurt, the pain that you want a way out. You are hoping someone can help you, if they know how badly you are hurting.

In the past, childhood, you hurt like this and no one helped you. You are still in search of help. You want the pain to stop. You want peace, and you want pleasure, not the pain.

Let the child within you tell you her story, writing here or privately to yourself, tell her story. Let her be heard, let her tell me, us- tell us about her pain, about what is hurting…? Tell me.

I assure you that I will be looking for that share. I will read it. Thorougly. And I will respond empathetically and kindly to you. I assure you of that.

anita

A good thing to do: focus on an object in your immediate surroundings (or imagine one, though an actual physical object is better, for reasons I’ll explain below), and describe that object in detail. Out loud, if you need to. For example: a book. What’s the title? Who’s the author? Is the book worn? If so, in what way? What color is it? How does it feel in your hand? How does it smell? That kind of thing. The object can be anything of your choosing.

Focusing on an object and describing it takes you out of your own head and onto something physical and concrete. The suicidal thoughts will want to come back into your head while you’re working on focusing and describing. Persistent thoughts very often come back into one’s head; unfortunately, that’s normal. But, what you can do is gently acknowledge that you’re thinking instead of focusing, and go back to focusing or trying to focus.

The reason I emphasize a physical object is because sight, touch, smell, and all the senses further help distract from suicidal thoughts (and depressive, anxious, painful, and other kinds of unwanted thoughts). Healthy distraction is a completely viable technique to get people through distress moment to moment. I say “healthy” as opposed to coping mechanisms that will likely leave you more vulnerable to pain, such as alcohol or drug abuse (I’m assuming nothing about you, by the way) or dangerous behaviors.

In 2011, when I had suicidal thoughts for a month and half straight, I called hotlines all the time to get me through moments. The quality of the person on the other end of the phone can vary, but one time I got a great guy who coached me through my night by taking me through, step by step, the subtle intricacies of my bedroom fan. He had such a calm voice and asked me to describe it to him: how it sounded, what it looked like, etc.

So give that a shot. I’m pulling for you.