Dear Joe:

Yes, you cleared my confusion, thank you.

You shared that your father was more warm than your mother, that he had a large family and you visited his mother, your grandmother, a few weekends every month, as a family. I am guessing then, that what led you to not having strong connections with people you dated (“I never feel the strong connection with any one I have dated and I never really commit”) is that you suffered because of the distance your mother enforced between herself and you. All children reach out to their mothers with affection, with an open heart. When she responds with coldness, that is nothing less than her rejection of the child.

I am guessing that her rejection of you caused you to turn inward, minimizing connections with others, in quantity and quality.

In less than 3 weeks you are planning to travel to see this woman and a couple, and you are quite anxious about it. It doesn’t sound like a good idea to me, that you will actualize that plan. For one, the woman doesn’t read as an emotionally healthy woman, and neither are you, as far as relationships are concerned. Add a couple into the mix, and it makes me uncomfortable about the whole prospect.

anita

Dear Joe:

You are welcome. Quality psychotherapy with a good psychotherapist is an excellent idea- excellent use of the money you make in your full time job.

“Is opening to people something I can learn to do so I do not feel like I will spend the rest of my life alone?”- opening to the right people will do, not just to anyone. Opening to the wrong people will hurt you. A good place to learn to open up is with a professional, responsible, empathetic therapist.

“I am worried that I will always be left wondering things about her if I walk away without spending some time with her”- being left wondering is not as bad as being left hurt even more, being left even farther away from better mental health.

I will be looking forward to your next post, whenever you would like to update me.

anita

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