Dear Anita:

Oh I can understand your confusion. Let me try to explain.

They are very warm now that we are adults but they always felt warm as children because I did not know any better. My father grew up in a large family and they all adored his mother (my grandmother). We would visit her a few weekends every month as a family. My brother and I found my father more warm than my mother and feel that he tried to make up for her lack of warmth and closeness. Like I said, my mother apologized to my little brother  for “not being the mother she should have been”.

I think what I meant to say is that my brother confirmed what you were saying and what I have felt about my mother keeping us at am emotional distance.

I hope this helps to explain things.

Thank you.

Joe

Dear Anita:

I called my brother last night and he confirmed much of what I said here about our parents. Or mainly my mother. He called it “emotional neglect”. Which I am sure he got from a counselor. He said that our mother was unable to connect with us on a deep level. Guess she has gotten emotional with him sometimes and apologizes for not “being the mother she should have been”. Our mother had a very cold relationship with her father (my grandfather) and I remember she would often cry after my grandparents would leave from a visit. My brother did say that my parents have rarely visited my niece even though they only live 20 minutes away. Instead they send cards.

I am 100% certain you are correct about my childhood affecting my relationships. Especially my poor relationships with women. I just wish that I could fix or cope with these things so I do not spend the rest of my life alone or in relationships that are bound to fail thanks to me.

Joe

Dear Anita:

I think my childhood was normal. My parents are still married even though they separated for a short spell when I was 12. Only for a year I think. My parents are very warm people but I do not feel as close to them as I guess I should be. I have always kept them at a distance. I have a younger brother who I wasn’t close with growing up because he is 6 years younger than me. We are closer now. I was very shy as a child and socially awkward and I probably did not come out of my skin until my mid 20s. I did not really have too many really close friends growing up. I had a best friend for years but then lost him when I lost my virginity to his ex-gf.

I am sorry if I did not say enough here. I can write more later.

Dear Anita:

I should have written more but I was not sure if this would be accepted here. I have a full time job and I have graduated from college but I really do not do anything. I think “A” and I found each other in a lonely time in our lives and I feel our conversations let do a deep connection. But when I found out the original pictures were fake I don’t know if I ever accepted her excuse of being scared to share pictures of herself.

I have been depressed for a longtime but I have tried counseling and antidepressants. I have also dated a few women while I was talking to “A”. But you can guess that they did not end well.

I do not really have any friends and I do not have any hobbies. I am kind of surviving and 2020 made things worse I guess.