Hello every kind soul reading this.

I never thought I’d come to ask other people for help on a personal matter. I’ve always relied on my myself and my gut feelings. It has never led my astray. But now I’m in a position where I feel stuck, stuck in my own web, and I can’t move. I find that I need another perspective, perhaps someone with a little more wisdom or different understanding, who can lean back, and clearly see the whole image, instead of the entangled parts I only see.

For you to be able to understand my situation I would like to tell you a part of my story. It’s long, but deep thanks to everyone looking and reading.

I’ve just turned 22 years of age and recently started my last year of what is, to some extent, equivalent to High School. I’m a late bloomer, I know, and I’ve long accepted that. Due to my past, when I finished Secondary School I wasn’t personally ready to go straight to High School like my peers. Instead, I needed time to develop myself. This brought me on a three year journey where I went to boarding schools, Folk High Schools and traveled. It was a personal necessity, and I’ll never regret one moment. When I finally was ready to begin at High school I sought out a certain school with a creative profile and good reputation. It was a prestige school, but I found that its concepts and academic standards suited me, and it was very close to where I lived. I could see myself happy there, in contrary to many other schools in the area. It was my highest hope to attend that school. My little dream.

Where I’m from there is legally no age limitation to whether a student can be accepted into High School. Yet, people beyond the average age when applying, which is around 16-17 years, normally don’t apply. However, there have been many cases of slightly older students applying and attending High School, it’s just not typical. Who gets accepted by the school is based on the distance from your home to the school. The students closest to the school has the highest right to attend. I applied to this certain school, at the age of 19, and was immediately rejected by the vice principal of the school because I didn’t “fit the school’s image”. – In other words; They deemed me too old.

Because of legal unfairness I went to the school and proclaimed my right to have a fair chance like any other applicant. After being yelled at by the vice principal for not obeying and leaving, I demanded to speak to the principal and called the ministry of education, and in the end I was successful. I could apply like any other applicant, and I got in. I was overjoyed and thankful. However, my defiance didn’t fall in good hands with vice principal, and he made sure I knew I wasn’t welcome at the school. He was the one “pulling the strings” and seemed to be running the school and more in control than the principle herself. Through the first year, he would take me aside, call me to his office and indirectly belittle me, threatening to throw me out the minute he had the chance. Something he knew would make me very distressed and sad. I was shocked that a man in his position could and would act like this, instead of talking to me in a more respectful manner.

The second year my family and I had to move three times over a period of six months. In the end my family moved quite far away from the school, so I decided to move out by myself in close proximity to the school so I could continue attending it. I found, moved, repaired, painted and set up my apartment. I was hard setting up and making a living by myself while attending a demanding school. This combined led to me being absent from quite a few classes. Enough as an official right to throw me out due to truancy after a written warning. However, I know students at the school with more absence who’s been allowed to stay.

Just before I had to attend my final exam of the second year I was called up by the vice principal and told that I was being thrown out, and that he absolutely didn’t care about what I had to say, or whatever my reasons or situation might be. I was hurt, shocked and sad, and my mind started spinning. I couldn’t concentrate at my exam, I couldn’t articulate anything to the examinators. I completely flopped my exam. An exam in a subject I’ve done very well in the entire year and knew my stuff inside out. It was quite heartbreaking for me.

Afterwards, when I’d collected myself, I went to talk to the vice principal. I told him that he couldn’t rightfully throw me out since he hadn’t given me a written warning beforehand. And with that, I got my written warning and was allowed to stay. However, with a threatening condition; the slightest reason, the slightest absence on my behalf, and I was out.

Being self sufficient and managing my own household with the duties, chores and work that naturally comes with it, I know chances are I’ll be missing some classes or assignments, just to make ends meet. It takes up too much time in correlation to the high demanding schoolwork and performance. I spent almost every free hour I have on either housework or homework. I feel like I’m working very hard everyday, doing my very best, just to make ends meet and surviving. – And it seems not to be enough.

Though being a sensitive person, I can be very strong and enduring when needed be. But I can feel it’s slowly gnawing at me. I can feel that I’m hurting. And it goes out on myself and my grades, and thereby future opportunities and my overall wellbeing.

I want this to work so intensely. But I can’t ignore the warning signals, the disrespectful treatment and unhealthy atmosphere. I feel like I’m very qualified for staying and that I have the capacity to finish, however the circumstances and situation have made it difficult. I feel like, should I press on through, I will not have listened to my own warnings signals, and instead have allowed myself to keep on going in an environment which mistreats me. Should I leave the school, I feel like I’m backing out, quitting, and all my hard work, all my fighting have been in vain. Like I lost the fight.
Yet, I know the most consequential loss I could attain would be losing my self in it all.

I feel like I’m caught in a web I helped create myself, and I’m too entangled to see things clearly and know where to tread. I need fresh eyes, open hearts and sincere words.
I’ll read every response carefully and with an open and thankful heart.

S.

• This topic was modified 8 years, 7 months ago by S. W..