I am not sure what to major in. This has been something I have been struggling for a while. I am currently working towards my associate of arts degree and I am fine with that. However, I am very unsure of what to major in for my bachelor’s degree.

Since I was about 15, everyone seemed to ask me what I wanted to be. I had no idea and supposed that was fine, because after all, I still had a lot of time left to choose. While in high school I entertained the idea of being in the field of forensics. However, I was quickly shut down by my uncles saying I wouldn’t make a decent living from that. That was enough to scare me away because the specific job I wanted paid about $28,000 a year (median wage). I then considered psychology, as the human mind interests me a lot. Once again, I was shut down by my uncles, they said it was too much school for such small pay. Once again I was discouraged.

I took a year off after graduating high school because I didn’t have a way to pay for it and I didn’t want any debt, especially since I still had no clue what to do with my life. A year later I finally enrolled in a community college not to far from where I live. I had finally decided to settle on nursing. I would be able to help others and make a decent wage. However, I was intimidated by all the sciences I would have to take. Not a big deal, I am good when it comes to memorizing and studying, and biology is a great interest of mine. Unfortunately, when it comes to the lab portion of the course, I am terrible. I am often doubting results and I do not know if I am doing things correctly. So right there and then, after knowing I would have to do labs I changed my mind. I knew I’d fail miserably.

So I then considered nutrition. I wanted to become a dietitian. However, then I got to thinking, while I am interested in all of that, I am about 10 pounds overweight. So who would take me seriously? Nobody would want to listen to my advice. So again I was at a loss as to what to do.

I decided to reevaluate my choices. I took a psychology and a sociology course to try things out. I decided it was not for me. It had to do too much with theory and experiments. I decided that was not the path for me.

I thought about it and said to myself, well engineering sounds great, I could be an environmental engineer, it sounds great. Then I though about chemistry, physics and all the labs I’d have to do, and math. That scared me away. There’s no way I’d survive. While I do fairly well in math, I despise it.

I considered various other paths but I decided it was not interesting to me. I finally settled on becoming an English major. I love reading and writing. I always have. I post fanfiction on a website, my sister encouraged me to do it since she knew how much I loved writing. I want to write novels. I am currently taking three literature courses, and I love it. It is challenging because it requires a lot of critical thinking and it is a lot of reading per week, but I enjoy it.

However, I am scared. What could I possibly do with an English degree? I must be honest and say that it was easy for me to finally settle on becoming an English major. It was something I always wanted to do, but never had the courage. I don’t like working in large groups, I don’t like experiments or math, so this seemed like a good fit for me.

I am however stuck at a crossroad, can I make a living out of it? My parents have always emphasized being independent. Everyone says to choose a career that is marketable and that will open doors for you, to choose a career with good pay. However, I am unsure an English degree will give that to me.

This dilemma has been on my mind for quite sometime. I finish my associates degree in December and I feel as though I am running out of time.

I keep telling myself to get my bachelor’s degree in English and that if it doesn’t work out I can just go back to school and get another one in a different field, but I don’t like that doubt.

I love school and learning. I just don’t know what to do anymore. If it were up to me, I’d go live on a farm, take care of shelter dogs, or go help people out who have lost their homes to natural disasters. I feel the need to help others. That is what drives me, I want to help others. Unfortunately, if I were to focus on spending all my time volunteering, well then I wouldn’t be able to make a living.

I am having a lot of trouble with this because for so long I have thought that my career would define my purpose in life. I feel lost.