July 19, 2013 at 5:50 am #38881Cool HackerParticipant
I will start by describing my problems. They are many. I have bipolar and as already understood, it makes me difficult for me to control my mood changes. This has already led to me severing my relationships with my parents. It has been like this for many years and I rarely talk to my father. I love my mother but most of the times I am unable to cope my with my sudden mood change and that reflects in the usual fights that happen. To be honest, I have even hit both of them several times with feeling regretful in some cases. I hope that this does not create a bias towards me as my reasons for hitting are, well I can say substantial for me. My parents used to beat me harshly when I was young and this continued for almost a decade. Guess I took this all upon and me and now I see my parents as a threat. I live in India and treating children this way is seen as okay for most of the population. This has even led to many fights with my school teachers and even the principal. I am intelligent and have even secured admission to one of the top universities of the world and now I think that my world is going to change for good. But I somehow feel that I have become a monster.
So, is there any way in which I can improve upon myself and make myself feel better and also work out things between me and my parents. This has been really hard for me and if things don’t start changing now, I don’t see myself in a good position in the future.July 19, 2013 at 6:19 am #38884JohnParticipant
No judgement here.
If it’s gotten to the point where your mental disorder is making you violent (whatever the root cause), I’d probably consider going to meds. There’s no shame in it. Your mental disorder has gotten to the point where the psychology has actually affected your brains physiology. So I’d say try to find a steady state where you can start working through your issues with a trained professional. Once you can take the focus off the violence and relationship with your parents you can start doing some inner healing and deeper soul searching.July 19, 2013 at 8:39 am #38895Victoria F.Participant
As someone who has a mother and sister with bipolar, you are not alone and you are in fact one of many who suffer the same. It isn’t your fault, but what I have seen first hand is the difference medication and therapy make on this condition. Before her diagnosis and treatment, my sister would treat her family horribly; yelling, being selfish, not caring about her actions affecting the family and just general mistreatment (particularly of me as her younger sister; she liked to hit me too). But since she has figured out appropriate medication that works for her and sees a psychiatrist regularly, she is a completely different person. She is calm and fun to be around, she is considerate, and what’s more is that she understands that she is not bipolar; she has bipolar. She feels in control of it now instead of letting it consumer her. And so we better know how to help her and she can tell us “I am feeling really angry right now” and we can behave appropriately.
Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, and it is something that can be gracefully managed as long as you are willing to do so. I would recommend you see a doctor for medication and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist as well. Once you look after yourself, other relationships will follow suit. You have all the power to create the great future you want.
VictoriaJuly 19, 2013 at 9:22 am #38899HopeParticipant
Hi Cool Hacker
John is giving you good advice. I to have Bipolar. After many years of treating my family and friends with no respect or honesty,
I made many attempts to take my own life. While in hospital after a drug over dose, a junior doctor sat with me and listened to my story.
She arranged for me to have counselling, and medication. It took a few a weeks finding the right meds that worked.
Sometimes it’s been a constant struggle. I’ve had many apologies to make. What surprised me the most is 1) how different I am towards
2 , family and friends have forgiven me for my horrendous behavior towards them. I’m a year into my treatment, somethings I’m finding
harder to forgive,or to be forgiven for.This illness shouldn’t be allowed to effect the rest of your life. Please take John’s advice. your a very intelligent man,
who knows with the right help you can be a survivor of this illness. Remember it’s an illness and not the real you.
I wish you good luck. Take care of yourselfJuly 19, 2013 at 9:26 am #38901MattParticipant
In addition to the other kindly and pertinent words, consider that accepting that we act unskillfully when in pain is part of finding peace of mind. You’re far from a monster. A monster would never worry that he was a monster.