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Clarity?

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  • October 20, 2013 at 10:44 am #44043
    Sapnap3
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    I was thinking of posting something really positive but honestly i don’t feel very positive right now. The weather is getting colder and I am getting closer to my Ireland trip. I still don’t have anything booked when I get there. So wish me luck 🙂

    Meditation has helped me so much in my journey. I still cry. I am still sad. Everyone keeps telling me to take this opportunity to learn. In Ajahn Brahm’s words “take this dog shit and plant it under your mango tree…you will have the sweetest mangoes”. I know what Brahm means but my untrained mind goes to the past and thinks “if only he can come back to me. I know better now and I will be a better partner to him. I can react better to our conflicts.” And these thoughts are constant. I keep crying and being sad about the fact that there is nothing i can do about changing his mind. I have already tried and he has respectfully turned me down.

    I know many of you are going through this. What do you do when you feel this way? I know that my feeling are my problem not his but I really want to go visit him in Italy and tell him to look at me now. I have become the person he was trying to make me. I know that i am responsible for my feeling now. i know to look at positive things in life. Even when i am going through this, i am still grateful for everything this universe has given me. I don’t think of him as a hero anymore but with clarity, i know that i love him.

    how can one accept that a person you love with all your heart….doesn’t feel the same about you? any words of wisdom will be appreciated.

    S

    October 21, 2013 at 7:26 pm #44118
    Shana
    Participant

    Hi S,
    I struggled with this years ago I wasted about 2 years of my life thinking about this person I use to be in love with. The universe sent me the love of life after that, I thought this first love was it but he wasn’t and I would have never have loved my first love the way I love my husband now. Besides that because every story is different is finding the happiness with in yourself, you have to know that all you need to be happy and full filled is in you. Change your heart now and believe in the good news take advantage of everything you have now and do everything you want because you never know what the universe has waiting around the corner for you. I have noticed that as soon as I can take my focus off something that I want or have been worrying about something amazing will happen. That seems to be the hard part for me thought getting my mind off of it but you must! Do all you can to enjoy your moments with the faith that something amazing is about to happen.
    Love is so powerful because it is God, but trust me it means much more to love yourself first and to make life as meaningful as you can. I would suggest doing something that you have never done that you have always wanted, take this time in your life to really get to know yourself.
    All things are for your good, you are loved !
    I hope that helped this my first post:)
    Thank so much,
    Shana

    October 22, 2013 at 8:19 pm #44203
    Sapnap3
    Participant

    Thank you Shana

    What a beautiful wish! I love it. At this time I don’t think it would be possible for me to love anyone more than this man but I am trying to give that love to me. The only wish I have for myself is to start loving myself. I just want to treat myself right. I am trying to get some self worth so that when and if I am ever ready to put myself out there again, I will know the difference between love and lust….honesty and diciet….real love and illusion 🙂
    Thanks again Shana and good luck with everything in life. I wish you love.

    Sapna

    October 23, 2013 at 7:04 am #44225
    Danielle
    Participant

    I hear ya, S. It’s the hardest thing when things appear so clearly, and you find they’re just an illusion.

    What you said in your response really hit me – I have a hard time giving myself the love I give to others. I think it’s something that we need to remind ourselves every day, until it become embedded in our minds. I don’t know how long it takes, but it’s worth it, ya know?

    I hope that everything works out for you. I don’t know the full story here, but if he has inspired you to change into a more positive, more loving person (which is the impression I got) then he served a positive purpose in your life, even if it doesn’t work out between you two. I know that’s hard to digest, but it’s proof you’re already learning from this situation.

    As cliche as it sounds, the saying “if you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you, it was yours in the first place” (I could have botched that, but you get what I mean) is incredibly true. Maybe he will see the person you have become- one who is calmer and more positive and able to face conflict with a clear head. And maybe he will come back to you.

    But if he doesn’t, look at who you are. You’ve grown so much from a shitty situation. And that’s certainly just another reason to love yourself 🙂

    October 23, 2013 at 8:47 pm #44268
    Sapnap3
    Participant

    Thank you Danielle. I do believe in letting go and if they come back they were always yours. I don’t think that will ever happen with me and my love though. All I can do is love him from afar. I know that he doesn’t feel that way about me (I have asked) but I can wish him well and I hope he feels this way about someone …one day.

    I can’t lie and say that I didn’t for a few minutes day dream about how it would be if he came back but loving myself also means to know that I have to put myself before him. My heart knows that I picked him to love because I knew he would break my heart. Now while I get to know myself and start loving myself, I can’t ever go back to that.
    For right now, I will cherish the few hours of happiness and learn to console myself in the endless hours of pure sadness of losing someone I love(d)

    I do hope that the latter part of your wish for me will come true…me growing up and loving myself. I will take that. 🙂

    I wish you the same joy in life.

    Thank you my dear sister.
    Sapna

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