Hi Anita

“Can you elaborate on what you told her, what did you tell her?”

she told me I was self centered as I was only thinking of my pain and not considering her state. I knew she has troubles in her life I understood that initially, I offered her help and tried talking about her problem, Clearly this time she was different and said it was very personal, I  did not disturb for long,  I thought she will eventually come out or heal but I would check once in while if she was ok. I was also working from home as I had very bad nausea and not much help in the country and I had troubles in pregnancy.

This is the sequence(Sorry for mentioning every single detail, which might be very elaborate but since I am not able to find the problem and pattern in my behavior , I want to be very specific.)  I noticed she was avoiding me, not taking my calls and tried keeping conversation very professional. I found that multiple times. she would say she was busy but she used to talk to other team members, On one instance she had some doubt about subject – matter and when i was explaining and had  more questions,  she kind of got annoyed very much and shouted at me for asking questions.  couple of times, Initially i thought she  has troubles in her life,  I was giving her time and did not disturb her for quite bit of time and it went of months may be three or four  But later when I saw she was getting along with others and only avoiding me, I did ask her for reason, infact i kept conversation simple not emotional , since  I felt now definitely there was something to work upon,  once she told that I had time to spend with my other friend  ” I had to meet her because she was going through a lot and she was my childhood friend” I was not even sure why she felt that way, She came to know about me going out from my husband as he called her spouse to know about  them in general since I was worried about them.  Once during this time she told me that she doesnt understand why she got so attached to me and feeling bad that i am avoiding her, I was really puzzled and tried explaining her and attempts I made, later she called me up and told  me that  it was communication gap and does not know why we ended up without speaking to each other,

Again she did the same thing for next  few months, Again i asked her and this time she rejected to talk to me, She said she will get disturbed  and that weekend when  I sent her mail  about how much i value her and her being like this causing pain to me,, she said I was self centered thinking about only myself.

Later I wished her good luck and stop bothering her or either asking her about her well being. Its been almost 10 months.

But at present, when ever I see her I get disturbed to such an extent because

Why have I been inviting such things to happen with me, am I self centered or I am a bad friend.

I dont want to be always be in good books of my friends but I want atleast my best friends understand me and giving me a parting reason.

How to cope up this situation?  stop inviting this experiences, am I being very stupid and not able to judge.

other two incidents in my life was my other friend and cousin sister who stopped talking to me for there family situations , there parents did not want to talk with me since we had family disputes. My parents wouldn’t insist me because they know I would nt  do that until I am convinced my self,

Please help if you see a pattern

• This reply was modified 7 years, 5 months ago by chil.

Thanks Anita