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Comfort Zones

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  • October 3, 2015 at 11:42 am #84622
    jock
    Participant

    I’ve been way out of my comfort zone the last few days, doing physical work. It is a real wake up call to lose weight.
    What do you think about comfort zones? Do you try to leave yours? How often?
    It may well be a core issue for me. Once I get comfortable, I get quite addicted to staying there. No need to stray too far. This includes emotional, psychological, social and spiritual comfort zones. I try to have an open mind, but some religions look too weird to even investigate. Occultism and voodoo? I’m too afraid to even read about it.
    Social comfort zones? people are generally hard work in my view. I tend to steer clear of developing friendships.
    But don’t we need to get out of our comfort zones in order to wake up? (Buddhism)

    October 3, 2015 at 6:07 pm #84639
    Anonymous
    Guest

    I am not comfortable commenting on this, no just joking. Surprisingly I joke just after I shared with you about beating up my poor sister many years ago. Here is a comfort zone: how others mistreated me when I was a child, not that comfortable but relative to the next thing:

    Not comfortable zone: how I mistreated a child, my sister when I was eight or so, maybe later, I don’t remember, don’t want to remember. And another thing I did, in my very early thirties, I had a fight with her, she was twenty four or so, and I placed my hands around her neck and squeezed, as in strangling her. It was night time. And then I heard a child’s voice saying my name and then saying: DON’T. I realized it was my two year old nephew there. I let go and told him how sorry I was.

    This is an uncomfortable zone for me, me as the victimizer. I am choosing to live so I have to live with knowing what I did. I have to live with knowing I scared an innocent little boy, looking like I was trying to kill his mother. I live seeing those eyes looking up to me. Seeing his eyes looking up to me at other times and me feeling i was not worthy of his trust.

    I asked his forgiveness and his mother’s and I sent them both money, lots of money for therapy and what else. Years ago. But it doesn’t take away my sorrow, the knowing I did it. ANd I can’t undo it.

    anita

    October 4, 2015 at 12:06 am #84666
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    How’s your relationship with your sister now? Do you remember anything ftom when you were 2? I doubt you scarred him for life unless he’s reminded often enough. You did the right thing in accepting responsibility and apologising and you’re clearly a good person.
    I’d let the weight of that memory go if you’ve worked it out with sister.

    Comfort zones…. Pfff. People related. I said in jack thread over there about pushing myself for scientific experiments. That’s me pushing myself outside my comfort zones.

    It’s was said to me once about how stress is like a rubber band and when it’s not stretched then all well and you gotta stretch it a wee bit and it feels tight and uncomfortable but once you realise that stretch isn’t breaking it then you can’t stretch it a little more and then more but if course there is the snapping point but you get a fair amount if stretch out of it before that happens and you never go straight to snap the band. Stretch it gently.

    October 4, 2015 at 4:11 pm #84697
    Sann
    Participant

    I also struggle to find a balance in it.
    Either go way too much out of it or stay in it and get too comfortable.

    I know that it is good for me to get out of my comfort zone, to challenge myself and learn new things. It can be very scary, but that way i also make things more comfortable.
    That’s how more things become comfortable.
    But i also need to get back to my comfort zone, to recharge, to rest, because getting out of it too much puts me under too much strain and makes me sick in the long run.

    Some people spoke to me about the 3 zones:
    comfort zone
    stretch zone
    panic zone

    Stretch zone is uncomfortable and challenges you but panic zone is far out of it, and we might need to be careful with it. Or look after ourselves extra after we’ve been in it.

    October 4, 2015 at 5:06 pm #84703
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * Thank you Pomplemous for commenting on my comment. Unfortunately there is not much of a relationship with my sister.

    anita

    October 4, 2015 at 11:08 pm #84740
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    And is that finite or…?

    October 5, 2015 at 8:16 am #84757
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * Dear pomplemous: the status of my relationship with my sister is not finite. I recently reached out to her repeatedly and she sent me an email a month ago or so stating she misses our communication (we live in different continents) and wants to have it again. I answered her very positively but no further communication from her. I know she is a workaholic at this point, her statement from before. She spends a huge amount of time at work for distraction purposes, distraction she said from her own regrets and self beating for choices she made.

    Thank you for asking, Pomplemous.
    anita

    October 12, 2015 at 4:43 am #85251
    Sanchit Kher
    Participant

    I think comfort simply implies that you’re happy with where you are. But when you use fear to to “define” your zones, you become a little tired on a day by day basis

    October 17, 2015 at 8:11 am #85537
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Ah Anita. So you’ve both reached out and made that connection. It doesn’t have to all come tumbling out at once. If I was someone who shouted in at your life and pretended to know everything (which I dont). I’d say. Hooray!! There’s hope. I’d say guilt from the past is the only blockage left now so put it all down, step out from that suit and create a new relationship with your sister as new adults. You’ve got alot of getting up know each other to do. I’d say what you waiting for her to contact you for? In these times its not always one reply each tit for tat. You’re allowed to reach out twice or three times and nor expect a reply. It’s like standing beside each other and saying guess what, I was just thinking this. As you were. And then in time she’ll come past for you too as and when.

    But what do I know. I know it sounds like you di’nt need to bd carrying around that guilt anymore and it’ll stop you reconnecting fully with your sister xx

    That’s if I pretended to know it all of course.

    October 28, 2015 at 3:18 am #86297
    Amy
    Participant

    I’m new to this website- looking for a forum to talk with others. I related to this comfort zone issue- I’m aware my
    comfort zone has gotten smaller and tighter. Hum… that’s interesting, and that challenges me. I got divorced about 2 1/2 years ago, and have two children, now 17 and 14. I didn’t get divorced for the longest time because I knew I’d never be free of my husband truly because we have these wonderful kids together. Today I’m working on how to be free- regardless. But I, after reading this thread, how my comfort zone has shrunk- I don’t want to run in to my ex-husband or his new wife. So that has caused me to really really like just staying home- being an introvert that is comfortable for me. Thanks for the subject- Comfort Zones, made me think.

    October 28, 2015 at 9:52 am #86317
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hey Amy

    so are your ex and his wife near to you? geographically? are you happy at home? if you did go out, is there anything you can imagine fancying going out to do?
    what did you like doing before the marriage ended?

    haha can you imagine how irritating it wold be if the tables were turned and suddenly he and the new wife were seeing you out and about gallivanting and living a great life that you didn’t get a chance to before because you were married to that man? and if that irked him then that would be fun.. let him run scared haha

    October 29, 2015 at 4:31 pm #86405
    Amy
    Participant

    Yes they live close- 1/2 mile away. I wanted to be close to my children.
    I am happy at home most of the time- but sometimes I do feel bored.
    When I’ve gone out, my favorite thing is dancing. I’m starting a dance
    class next week- country 2 step 🙂

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