Hello,

I really feel for you, what a lot of big decisions you have to make.

I’ve read your comment a few times and there are a few things that have struck me about it. Before I say them, please understand I’m just an ordinary housewife, I have no particular qualifications to give advice and what I’m about to write is just from my own limited and very modest viewpoint.

You wrote “I just know in my heart that he’s the one for me . . . but I don’t think he feels the same way completely”.

What strikes me here is that a huge amount is resting on what appears to be at least partly an assumption on your part. You say you only “think” he feels that way which suggests that you are not 100% certain of his feelings. Am I correct in saying that?

It seems to me that the two of you need to be very frank about what you are both feeling before you can make any decisions. It would be a great shame to make the wrong decision based on conjectures and misinformation. So I think that maybe when you get together after your break you need to be sure you both communicate very clearly where you are.

Another thing that struck me is his reaction to you when you have PMS. You haven’t made it clear how serious your “meltdowns” are or what they entail, whether you are just a bit moody or if you go raging around in public. Firstly, if they are causing you problems, do try and see your doctor to get some help. It is crazy that this should have such an impact on your life and you should at least be able to get a plan together to alleviate some of the symptoms.

However it concerns me slightly that he seems unwilling to stand by you when you are ill. To me standing by someone is a key part of marriage. Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring and either one of you could find yourself seriously ill with all the complications that entails. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that pregnancy is hard too, so if the pair of you find yourselves in those circumstances, will he be able to stand by you then? I think a marriage needs both partners to be committed to sticking around through illness and a whole host of other uncomfortable situations. You need to be clear if he is capable of that.

Also you say, that he says “you should love everything about a person all of the time”. It’s clear to me that you don’t think this is realistic, and I certainly don’t! I love my husband dearly but there are things about him that infuriate me and I would at times gladly chuck him out of the window! It might be that your boyfriend is reaching for the moon and that his unrealistic expectations will prevent him from ever finding a partner. That would be tragic for him but it would be doubly sad if you let it make you miserable too.

As you are clearly wise enough to see that no relationship is ever perfect, I suppose it’s a case of you deciding whether this one is good enough for you. No one can see what a relationship is truly like when they are stood on the outside and only you and he can know.

I really hope you find a resolution to this and I hope this time is not too stressful.