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Confused have i made the right choice

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  • June 30, 2016 at 2:56 am #108564
    Confusedone
    Participant

    Will try and keep it short. Me and by other half have been together for 5 years. There is a 10 year age gap he is 24 I and older. We both fell in love so quickly but over the last 4.5 years he has cheated on me numerous times and dumped me numerous times in the most obscene and horrible ways.

    Nov 2015 was the last time but this time I didn’t fight it when he told me to go I just did. Then in Jan he came back to me begging me to forgive him told me he wanted to marry me I was the only one for him and he would change everything. I took him back.

    Things have been good but last month lo and behold a female appears she tells me he has been with her he swears she was from when we broke up. Apart from that lately he just wants to be out with his boys all the time whenever were together he hardly talks to me it’s like a chore he says it’s because he is stressed and he can show it only to me but with his friends he can pretend and be happy. I look around at other relationships and feel so jealous.

    Anyway I decided yesterday to end it I suppose in the back of my head I was hoping he would fight it but he didn’t all he said was my mind is blank I don’t know. so I walked. Now I am sitting here and I’m thinking have I made a mistake I miss him so much what is wrong with me

    June 30, 2016 at 4:23 am #108571
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi confusedone,

    Aside from the deal breaker of cheating, here’s the thing: The age difference.

    Now, I can talk because there is a vast age difference between me and my DH.

    The difference is I met him later and he’s the one older. If I were a boy and younger when I met him it wouldn’t have happened or it would have been a disaster.

    You were way out of league when you met him (if I am reading the above correctly and am doing my math right). He was a college aged kid and you were of an age when most people have a house, job, kid, life. Now he is older, but you are still out of his league. He’s a young man who SHOULD go out, party, live the good life. Maybe he cheated on you because he subconsciously resents giving up his youth?

    You need to be in a real relationship. Let him grow up.

    Blessings,

    Inky

    June 30, 2016 at 4:28 am #108572
    Confusedone
    Participant

    Hi Inky

    When I met him he told me he was 25 and I believed him if I had known then he was only hitting 20 I would never have gone there. Unfortunately by the time I found out i had already fallen for him.

    June 30, 2016 at 4:39 am #108573
    Inky
    Participant

    I got tricked too!! LOL!

    June 30, 2016 at 10:55 am #108613
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear confusedone:

    You asked what is wrong with you. Well what is wrong is you fell in love with the wrong man. You fell in love, meaning you grew emotionally attached to him. It is a good thing to become emotionally attached to a person who benefits your well being.

    It is a problem when you get attached to someone who is harmful to your well being.

    So you decided to end this bad-for-you-relationship- good choice. But because you are attached- you feel horrible. It is like deciding to give up on a drug, you know it’s the right thing, but it sure feels terrible to withdraw from it.

    I hope you use this thread to help you with the withdrawal process, as well as any other support you can have in this process.

    Endure the withdrawal- these bad feelings is what makes you think there is something wrong with you. But you are making the right decision.

    anita

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