Hello All, I have joined Tiny Buddha recently and I really like the way this website works and was hoping if you guys can help me in some way. I am 30 years old, looking to settle down since some time now. Last year, I met a guy, whom I fell for instantly, no holds barred, I just fell for him. This guy was good looking like (9/10) in looks, while you can say I am a 8/10 in looks. We started talking and met up a few times, spent some days together. Since I was looking out for marriage, I fell this guy was good enough, nice looking, with a decent job and we clicked well. I told him my intentions that I thought we can work this towards marriage, he said he liked me too and will make me meet his family, if they like me then we seal the deal. Meanwhile, we texted, chatted, met a couple of times, in a way got intimate too because I was in this entire phase of ‘this is destiny, we met suddenly, everything clicked, he likes me, i like him – all seemed perfect” and we were pretty much dating and he had told me 10, 000 times that he found me attractive and pretty and smart, but then the bomb dropped!…his family did not like me as much..they said i was less better than him (and looks was a deciding factor…they thought he looked better than me and so he can look out for other prettier girls!!)…he told me all that and said that we cant go forward with the marriage. I was heartbroken, I was lost, I knew I dont look bad at all (maybe a tad lower than their son but no way that some one can reject on the way i look)…i felt humiliated, suffered from low esteem and a lot of negative feelings. We ended up on a really bad note..me not ready to leave things, him trying to move forward. Surprisingly, he got over the break up really fast..and is now happily enjoying his life. I suffered, badly, bcz in my mind I had accepted that this was going to work but when it did not and that too for a trivial reason (the way i look), i felt truly sad. Meanwhile, to let you all know, we were together for 7-8 months and we hd crackling chemistry or so i thought.
Chapter 2 – I met another guy through some friends, he is just the opposite – not great looking (would give hm 4-5/10), not a charmer, not one who can make you laugh instantly, flirt etc but he is more the stable kinds – has a good heart, loyal, supportive, straightforward. He likes me and my friend is asking me to consider him for marriage…on my first thoughts i did not like him, on my second thoughts, i found him ok…my problem is i like him as a human being and feel he’s good husband material but i dont feel attracted to him like physically..i mean there’s no solid chemistry for ex – i talk to him on the phone for atleast 2 hours, it leaves me stable and peaceful but no sense of excitement or you know the adrenaline rush! i understand, this excitrment is only for a small time in a r/ship but it should be there for some time atleast right? While i still rem with the previous guy, it was all the time, i used to feel excited, was always trying to please him and try and do things he liked. But with this guy, I dont try to do anything like that at all. Infact, he likes to do things for me all the time.

I dont wat this is….I am confused. My friend said if you dont like him then let him know so that he knows you dont feel for him but when it comes to saying him no…i cant even do that. I like him as a person and i feel maybe i am just so trapped in my previous r/ship still that i cant him accept him. its like one day I am all for him, next day I am again thinking.

While I also have strong feelings for my ex – in the sense that i constantly wish he does not end up with a prettier girl, that to leave some one just like that is not ethical (i cant believe this looks argument – had i real been that bad how could he have lasted so many monyhs with me?), my mind goes wandering if he’s engaged/ or dating some one prettier? All this makes me weary and i end up being messed up. Can you guys help me?

I want to get settled with a decent guy who can give me a good life, my ex was clearly not one..and this guy looks like that but then why i am confused and cant accept him?