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Confused overthinking and very Anxious about relationship

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  • #306191
    kamikaze_worm
    Participant

    Hi All

    First time poster and wanted to try and get some help.

    Over the last week i have been experiencing anxiety and worry and to the point i cannot get out of my own head. I have been married a year and half and in a relationship for just under 5 years. Never had any doubts until recently. Last week after a bad sexual experience i stared to have a panic attack and question if i loved her. Since then i’m going round and round. Our relationship has been bad for a little while. We used to fight but we don’t anymore then we got into this sort of nothingness. I was just in my own world doing hobbies and seeing friends thinking nothing of it, until this happened.

    In the last week i’m not eating or sleeping and its just getting to me. I think the world of her and really don’t want to lose what we have. The bit that got me more confused is since this has happend, I find myself missing her when away from her and cuddling into her every night. Yet i find myself unable to spend any real time and only have a desire to regress to my bed with her by my side. I told her i was feeling this way last night and she was devastated. I said i didn’t want to give up on us and wanted to try and save this.

    In review i can see its me that has caused this. Shes not perfect but my laziness to the relationship in all aspects has affected this in some way.

    I am still going round and round. Not sure if I’ve fallen out of love (and if so can i get that back) or if something has just scared me and now i’m afraid in some way. I also realized my life is not the best in other aspects (Work, pressure to save for a house, Pressure on social obligations). Just so confused. What i really don’t want to do is walk away from this for the wrong reasons.

    Can anyone offer any advice.

    #306203
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear kamikaze_worm:

    To offer advice I need more information: “Our relationship has been bad for a little while. We used to fight”- how was it bad for a little while and what were the fights about; who started those fights, what was said and done during the fights?

    anita

     

    #306205
    Peggy
    Participant

    Hi Kamikaze-worm,

    I’m not sure that I’m really understanding the nature of your problem.

    Are you questioning how you feel about your wife?  On the one hand you say that you think the world of her and don’t want to lose her, on the other hand, you are questioning whether you still love her or not.  You want to be in bed cuddling up to her yet you don’t want to spend any real time with her.  You used to fight but now you’ve diverted your attention with hobbies and friends.

    There are pressures in other directions of your life as well and this is all getting a bit much for you.

    What this calls for is time-out.  I suggest that you have a few date nights with your wife.  Go out as a couple once a week and bring the romance back into your relationship.  Make this top priority.  Rediscover and reconnect with all the things that attracted you to each other in the first place.  Discuss how you can both alleviate some of the pressures that you currently feel.

    If you think you need to, talk to someone about your bad sexual experience and why it has caused you to panic.  It’s difficult to comment further on this without knowing what happened.  It sounds as if you need lots of reassurance which, in your head at least, you want your wife to provide.  I think you need to open the door for communication to happen and talk to each other as calmly as you can about the state of your relationship.  You may need to seek some sort of relationship counselling initially to avoid the recurrence of the fights you used to have and to gain a greater insight into what has been happening to you both.

    I hope you can work this out.

    Peggy

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