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Confusing friendship with colleague

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  • August 25, 2014 at 3:14 am #63884
    Elizabeth
    Participant

    Hi, this is my first post, I am looking for some advice as I feel truly miserable and sad

    1 year ago I escaped a toxic 2 year relationship with a narcissist. I have took this time to rebuild my confidence and get back to myself, and feel I am nearly there. Lately I have developed a connection with a colleague so strong, I am scared of being hurt again.

    My colleague has worked at my office for 3 months. I can’t remember a time he wasn’t there. We confide in each other about past relationships, family, work, beliefs and more. He has become a true friend.

    1 month into our friendship after a work event we slept together. There was a passionate connection and after intimate cuddles and kisses. This was 3 weeks ago, neither of us have spoken of it nor has anything happened since. I am so confused.

    He doesn’t seems the type of guy to sleep around, or make that type of mistake, so I am confused as to why it happened and nothing since.

    He invites me to his house after work, we are flirty and suggestive with each other but nothing else has progressed. My friend can be selfish, he decides when we see each other. I feel rejected and offended when I don’t hear from him at weekends, and I know I should not. But during the week he takes me for lunch, and arranges to meet with me after work. I over analyse words and behaviour toward me and Im consumed by thoughts morning and night.

    I am scared I am going down a similar road before. Does anybody have any advice?

    Thank you!

    August 25, 2014 at 4:59 am #63885
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi

    I would lay all my cards on the table.

    At the next invite/lunch/flirt say, “I don’t want to be together if we’re not Together, you know what I’m saying? I’m being asked out/set up by other people and I want to be Clear, so there’s no undefined relationships.”

    He’ll either Confess, and you will be a couple.

    Or he’ll play it cool, in which case he knows other guys may very well be around you. And, it’s better for the work environment, by the way.

    But I warn you, him only seeing you on weekdays is a red flag. Tell him to ask you out on the weekends for a while and see what happens.

    Next time there’s a Connection, get a Commitment or a love declaration/confession before sleeping together. Otherwise it gets weird, and you deserve better.

    August 25, 2014 at 6:11 am #63888
    Elizabeth
    Participant

    Hi Inky

    Thanks for your advice, I know I do need to come clean and that’s the scary part. I don’t want to be rejected, or for it to ruin our friendship.

    I suppose we have already overstepped the mark so should be adult enough to talk about it. I am surprised by his actions as he is a very spiritual person too, and says how important it is to be truthful.

    The weekend thing is a red flag, I’ve not heard from him at all accept a very general response to a text. I guess that’s my sign!

    Thanks

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