August 1, 2020 at 6:08 am #363417
I’ve always felt very connected to nature (plants, other animals, water, light…) & my surroundings (sounds, motions…) but last week I realized that I don’t feel that connection to my own body and other humans. I tried yoga for almost a month, but then I quit because i couldn’t feel any energies, feel my breath and it just felt like a boring workout… That’s just an example, but I feel the same in my everyday life – when I’m in nature trying to take in the positive vibes it gives me i can’t, they remain external from my body. Additionally I’m really bad at controlling my movements and it often seems clumsy – if I’m dancing I know what I want to do but just can’t control my body – even if somebody tries to teach it to me.
It’s somehow the same with other humans;
I don’t really feel like I’m bonding with them (plus I’m very hesitant to trust people and show my emotions).
Can anybody understand what I mean? I’m simply trying to connect better to my own body with its emotions, energies and movements.
What would you recommend me to do? I’m just starting to get into spirituality or am trying but have a really hard time because of this. Could yoga help and I just quit to early? I always read that people could feel a difference after the first 2-3 Weeks…
I’m thankful for every response or comment 🙂August 1, 2020 at 7:15 am #363431
The title of your thread is “Connecting to your body and energies”, and you wrote: “I don’t feel that connection to my body and other humans”. Reads to me that you suffer from what I suffered (a lot): disconnection to my own body and other people. There is a term for it in psychology: dissociation (dis-association) which is synonymous with disconnection.
Wikipedia on dissociation reads: “Dissociation is any of the wide array of experiences, ranging from a mild emotional detachment from the immediate surroundings, to a more severe disconnection from physical and emotional experiences”.
The entry further explains that dissociation exists on a continuum, from mild to severe. Mild forms are the common daydreaming and spacing out/ getting lost in one own thoughts, not paying attention to what’s in front of you, etc.- these happen to everyone: every person is dissociated some of the time, and more so when tired and distressed. On the other side of the continuum are severe forms of dissociation: dissociative disorders.
Your current dissociation from your own body, from other people could have been triggered by a recent period of stress in your life, could be the pandemic, or it could have been triggered by childhood trauma (as was my case). Or both. I suffered from intense dissociation for many years. I too felt very clumsy- couldn’t get my body to perform movements that required coordination between movements of the legs, arms, shoulders, etc., so any form of disciplined dancing was out of the question.
You wrote that you don’t feel like bonding (another word for connecting or associating with) people, plus, “I’m very hesitant to trust people and show my emotions”- I can relate to this too.
Let me know if my response means something to you, and we can talk about it more.
anitaAugust 2, 2020 at 10:09 am #363530
thank you very much for you response – it really helped me to know that you’ve experienced something similar and I’d love to talk a little bit more to you about it, if you want 🙂August 2, 2020 at 11:04 am #363533
You are welcome. I too would love to talk to you about it some more. I will be away from the computer for an hour or two. When I am back, and you post by then, I will read and reply.
anitaAugust 2, 2020 at 12:28 pm #363536
In case you don’t know what to post next, you can start be telling me about your childhood experience, best you can.
anitaAugust 3, 2020 at 11:23 am #363645
I’m sorry I didn’t reply earlier, I haven’t found the time to check my computer since…
My childhood was pretty much the most idyllic childhood one can imagine, I grew up on the countryside in a house with my parents and sister, our grandparents had the second half of the house so we saw them everyday as well. My sister, my neighbors kids used to play outside everyday, go on walks etc. I liked kindergarten as well, my mom was really loving, danced and cuddled with me, my dad taught me a lot about technical stuff, cooking etc.
I can’t see anything that wasn’t good…
vivi 🙂August 3, 2020 at 12:11 pm #363650
Dear Lea/ vivi:
(which name should I use to address you?)
Reads like an idyllic childhood indeed, I can imagine it, your mom being really loving, dancing and cuddling with you, your dad teaching you cooking.. your sister, grandparents, all living in the countryside.
I am guessing then that you bonded with and trusted your mom, your dad, your sister and grandparents, and that you showed your emotions with them.
When/how did all that change: when did you stop bonding and trusting people, and showing your emotions with them (“I don’t really feel like I’m bonding with them (plus I’m very hesitant to trust people and show my emotions”)?
anitaAugust 4, 2020 at 5:35 am #363730
sorry, Lea please, just some of my close friends call me vivi (long story) but I sometimes mix it up…
I thought a lot about that question and came to the conclusion, that it was a gradual shift; whenever I talked about my feelings or problems to my mother, and my sister was with us, she jumped in to put me down by indicating they were not important – and yes, objectively they were always minor problems – when I hit puberty I just stopped talking about everything, bc then there was no danger of getting hurt. I really love my sister tho and we have an amazing connection!!
However, I only became aware of the not being able to bond with people in the last year or so (my best friend always talks about how she feels and her deep connection with people and sometimes she says that I can’t express how I feel but she knows that the connection mutual but I simply don’t feel it, I really like her and she’s important to me but simply because of our long friendship and what we’ve been through…).
Amongst my friends I’m known as the one that doesn’t want to show emotions and talk about their feelings, and this “prejudice” supports the fact that i cannot show any feelings…
Can I ask you what you did to help yourself? Did you talk to a professional?
LeaAugust 4, 2020 at 6:50 am #363739
“whenever I talked about my feelings or problems to my mother, and my sister was with us, she jumped in to put me down by indicating they were not important”- your sister was wrong to do that, and your mother was wrong to not stop her from doing that.
What you shared here is significant as to explaining your dissociation because being criticized/ put down is very hurtful for a child, and the child responds to it by withdrawing (“I stopped talking about everything”), and over time, dissociating (“I don’t feel that connection to my own body and other humans”), so that there is “no danger of getting hurt”.
“I really love my sister tho and we have an amazing connection!!”- if the connection does not include you telling her, at length, that you were hurt by her put downs and her sincerely apologizing for it and trying to make it up to you over a long time, then you must still be angry at her and pushing that anger down (the anger being dissociated).
To have an amazing connection with the person who put you down for years, without correction, means that you are paying a high price for that amazing connection: continuing to bury her anger at her, and continuing to be withdrawn and dissociated from yourself and from everyone else.
“my best friend always talks about how she feels.. she says I can’t express how I feel but she knows that the connection is mutual, but I simply don’t feel it”- that’s the price you pay for keeping that “amazing connection!!” with your sister, as I suggested above.
“Can I ask you what you did to help yourself? Did you talk to a professional?”- I finally talked to a quality professional and had quality psychotherapy when I was much older than you, nine years ago, and that was the beginning of my healing process. My dissociation took a long time to ease up and my experience now is very different from before, much more associated/ connected than before.
One of the things I did to make my healing possible was to end contact with the person who, for decades, put me down and never apologized for it. Other than that, my therapist put me on a diet of guided meditations by Mark Williams, introducing to me the concept of Mindfulness and Mindfulness exercises, and I expressed some of my very intense emotions in his office (he didn’t criticize me, didn’t put me down and instead, was empathetic (he was a bit scared at times, seemed to me, when I expressed intense anger).