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Constant anxiety/hurdles but so in love

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  • July 21, 2017 at 6:02 am #159330
    Jill
    Participant

    Hi,

    This is the first time doing something like this so feels a big step to me but thought I would give it a try as I find the website very useful.

    I am currently in a relationship with my best friend who I have known since I was 5 years old. We have only became in a relationship in the last year or so but have always been very close friends who obviously care a lot about each other and would do anything for one another.

    howver I am really struggling with the fact that I know his past and the fact I know him as a person loved go ‘ogle’ at women when we were friends. I can’t help but notice he still does it now but he just has a glance and plays it off like he was looking at them like any other person. It maybe sounds  a bit over the top because I know men look at women and women look at men but it absolutely destroys me inside for some reason it takes over me.

    I’m sorry for the rant I could go on and on but just wasn’t sure where to start. Can I also add that social media completely kicks off one of my aniexty attacks when I know he’s scrolling through his pages there are bound to be pictures of hot girls not only that but ones he’s had a history with.

    hopefully this makes sense 🙂

     

     

     

     

    July 21, 2017 at 10:16 am #159402
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jill:

    I hope posting here will be a useful experience for you.

    I read that men are more visual then women, that is, they are inclined to look at women and get excited. After all, this is why all those magazines exist, and those unfortunate movies of hardly dressed/ undressed women. The billions dollar industry is aimed at men because lots and lots… and lots of men have the urge to look at women, especially in they are minimally dressed, or not at all. Many have the ability to.. undress women they see, in their minds.

    You, Jill, cannot change this reality. Neither you nor I can fight nature, and it is (many) men’s nature.

    If your boyfriend does not cheat on you, if he only looks at women, in person and online, it is understandable and he can’t help it. And, you can find a way to live with it in peace- this is the good news.

    Having “constant anxiety” because he is looking, that is such an unnecessary suffering, on your part. If you want, we can look deeper into it: what are your thoughts when anxious about him looking at women?

    anita

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