Dear Yours:

I wanted to add: congratulations for moving out and staying with friends. I hope this is still your plan: to give the two months notice to your landlord, and not move back in until he moves out.

Ten days ago you shred this: “I find myself dating a guy who ‘is how he is and that is never going to change’, which  means that any values of mine that I have tried to integrate into the relationship have largely been rejected. I’ll give you an easy example: I want to have dinner at the kitchen table instead of on the sofa in front of the tv, so that we have some quality time to talk. After 4 years it has still been impossible to make this happen”-

– I still feel a touch of anger as I re-read this. It is such a modest request, to eat at the dinner table and yet he was too selfish to accommodate such a small request. The extent of his selfishness is extreme. You accommodated plenty his preference to stay inside the home and not go out. It is not that you asked him to go  out and have dinner at a restaurant outside the home, you asked to have dinner at a different location inside the home. And yet, he did not accommodate that in four years!

Again, the extent of his selfishness is extreme. He told you something like: I am who I am and that is never going to change.

I suggest that you give the two months notice to the landlord ASAP and look for a place for yourself to move to in two months if not earlier because taking into account his selfishness, I am not counting on him accommodating you in any way that he says he will. He may and I hope he will, but I can’t get over the example of him refusing to eat at the dinner table with you. I ask myself: why will he do anything at all for you if he  doesn’t feel like it.

I hope to read from you soon.

anita

Dear Yours:

You are welcome. Congratulations for giving the notice! Earlier on I thought that you own the house were he stays and he may overstay, you may feel badly kicking him out and so forth, but it being rented, the two-month Notice takes care of the problem of him overstaying- it will be between him and the landlord (although it may hurt your credit/ ability to rent a place in the future?)

“he wished he had done things differently”- so now he cares about your wish to eat at the dinner table, because he has to move out and this is, for him, a big deal. Before, he didn’t care because before the only problem was that you were unsatisfied, and that, for him.. was not a big deal.

When this is over and you live by yourself, see to it that you don’t get into a committed relationship quickly, like before. Take your time- it will be interesting time!

anita