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Constantly worried he is mad or won’t want to be with me

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  • #192827
    Michelle
    Participant

    Hello, so I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 3 years now. We moved in together about a little over a year ago. So about 5 monthly’s ago me and my boyfriend got into a huge argument about his past. It blew up and he said he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me. Then a few months go by and again. His past was brought up and same thing. He didn’t know if he wanted to be with me. THEN about a month ago he out of the blue told me he just doesn’t know what he wants right now and he wants to work on him and feels he can’t do that if he is with me. So I take some of my belongings and move back home for a few days. He randomly texts me to come home and never leave him. Mind you at this point I a a complete and utter mess. My anxiety was through the roof and I felt I was going crazy. But we end up talking and he spills his heart to me. So I said let me give this a chance. (I stuck by his side this whole time) things have been great. Almost too good. So randomly I start overthinking and having the most severe anxiety I have ever had. Worried he will be mad at me for something. Worried he just won’t want to be with me. I couldn’t even live with myself type of feeling. Then a memory pops up in my head. I remembered 3 years ago when me and him just started dating. My ex texted me happy bithday And I said thank you. This has caused me to worry tremendously. I’m like “what if he finds out””what if he thinks I did more “ (did not and would never) “what if he gets mad at me” “never wants to be with me”. It’s come to a point where the root of my anxiety is me being afraid he is going to be mad at me all the time or not want to be with me. Now that I feel better I told him how anxious I am and about that little situation, now I’m just afraid he is going to be mad at me for telling him everything I’ve gotten off of my chest. How do I handle this. I can’t control my thoughts and anxiety at this point.

    #192835
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Michelle:

    I read (and answered) your thread from September, same issue, as well as this one. Your boyfriend seems to be very much emotionally attached to you. Do you think your anxiety would lessen if the two of you got married and was that discussed, marriage, that is?

    If you would like, do share about your anxiety before you met him, as early as you remember yourself being anxious about someone leaving you, getting mad at you, etc.

    anita

    #192839
    Michelle
    Participant

    I think if I saw that commitment then yes I would feel a little better. But now that I got everything off my chest I’m worried he would think that there was more then just the “thank you” text to my ex. I have a VERY guilty conscious so I would never ever cheat on him. That was the last text I sent to my ex and never answered him any time after that and actually tell my boyfriend if anyone tried to contact me. I’m just worried what I’m going to have to handle now that everything is off my chest

    #192851
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Michelle:

    Do you remember as a little girl being afraid that your parents will get angry with you? Do you remember them, your mother or your father getting angry with you?

    I ask because it can help me understand your anxiety and it can help you too.

    anita

    #192855
    Michelle
    Participant

    Yes I do. I hate when people are mad at me and it hurts he can easily tell me he won’t want to be with me. Should I even worry about the text message? I’m just worried he would ever think more of it.

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