September 26, 2013 at 4:06 pm #42833TrixieParticipant
It’s me again! I have had limited text contact with my ex (if I start it he will answer) and it was nice to see that he is okay and are sort of on speaking terms with me. But, I got caught up in the vortex of him again and always looking at me phone hoping for contact but it can go days/weeks. He said that we would have a coffee just to catch up and be cool with each other. But, you guessed it he never set the date and never got back to me. I’m shattered again.
I want to sent a text/email/card to say that was a little mean and it hurt that you suggest something and then do not have the courage to to let me know.
Can anyone please help with kind but tough words to say that this is not okay to build me up and then pretend that I don’t exist, we could be adult and friends but people should just not do that to each other ?? Do that make sense? Please help you all are so smart and have such a way with words…
Trixie-BelleSeptember 26, 2013 at 5:17 pm #42838BarbaraParticipant
My guess is that a clean break is best for you – even though it is very very hard.
If you stay in contact, as you had been doing, you will wait and obsess, and wonder when he will get in touch. At least with no contact , you will be able to start ”cold turkey”, or the grief process, without being in the ”vortex”, as you say.
I can only suggest that you yourself decide in your own mind to detatch a little bit – without even telling him, do ot just for you – as he hasnt got back to you, so now the time may be right. Maybe say to yourself ”if it was meant to be, we would be here now trying to make it work, but it did not work, for reasons on both sides”.
Then step back to your side – nurture you, meet friends, do the things you have been putting off due to the stress, relax in a bath, walks – all the other advice from the wise folk on this site – meditate, and start to go out into nature and see the beauty. You will cry, you will be hurt, you will be lonely. I may have to do the same in a while – and I dread it – but we have to do what we have to do, and survive we will. Galvinise a few friends you can rely on, and go out, have fun, and loose yourself in what you are doing for a short spurt – then you can cry again later ! 🙂
Sending hugs, and stay strong,
You can do it ! If you guys get back together down the line then that is your path. For now it looks like the logical thing is to strengthen you,
Namaste Trixie.September 26, 2013 at 9:11 pm #42853EdlinParticipant
Barbara is right! I will always text crazy to my ex to always ask how come he has not text me back, I would look desperate. So just step back and do something for yourself, distract yourself, if is meant to be he will come around. !
EdlinSeptember 27, 2013 at 11:46 am #42877JohnParticipant
Why are we playing a game?
If you just want to be friends, what would a friend do?
Would a true friend keep score?
1 text : 0 texts
1 invite : 0 invites
You’re busy. He’s busy.
You want to get together. You invite.
He wants to get together. He invites.
He does. You do.
He doesn’t. You don’t.
No games. No tricks. Just open and honest communication. No expectations. No demands.
Just a casual friendship. A meeting of people. Sometimes your schedules fit. Sometimes they don’t.
You come together. You drift apart. You come together again. You drift apart for a while.
Eb and flow. Eb and flow.
That’s the heartbeat of friendship. That’s the heartbeat of life.
Is there a desire for more than friendship? How honest can you be with yourself? How honest can you be with him?
If you asked and he rejected, you take a bow and gracefully walk off the stage. No kicking. No screaming. No clinging. Just letting go. Accepting you’ve played your part. Moving on to your next scene with other actors and he to his next scene with his.