Home→Forums→Relationships→Coping with differences ?
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September 20, 2013 at 12:31 am #42489SophieParticipant
Hi, is there anyone that can help me a little? I am in a LD relationship with someone who Is extremely career focused and driven (one of the things I love) we see each other around once every 3 weeks at the moment. My partners personality is very addictive and often new ideas come flooding and things change a lot, something that is wildly exciting but also very hard to keep up with. My concerns and the way we deal with things are very differnt, when she leaves after visiting I am still in ”relationship” mode and continue to tell her I miss her and I love her everyday, it’s my way of dealing with the distance. For her she ploughs herself back in to her ”other life” and although she is excellent at communicating most of the time the mood seems to change and she gets very absorbed in to other things, to keep her distratacted, which sort of comes across a little selfish. We deal with things very differently which neither of us are wrong, I just don’t k ow how to deal with it…without getting upset or cross… I am currently a little cross with hearing about her things a lot the past few days so I’ve unintentionally taken a step back from contacting.
Anyone got any advice with how to not get myself so wound up in this situation, I end up getting angry at myself.
Thanks xxSeptember 21, 2013 at 7:36 am #42552MattParticipantSophie,
My wife does the same thing, its as though she is charging boldly into the unknown and “home” or “our relationship” seems like a distraction. Her attention is on the next task, the next evolution of her business, the next dodad. She forgets to eat, and just goes goes goes.
I find it amusing and inspiring. What I do is call her home, help her remember the beauty and nourishment that arises when we have our heartfelt intimacy, when we join in spirit and take time to rest with one another. I don’t take her gogogo personally, it doesn’t really have anything to do with me. It doesn’t have anything to do with her commitment to our intimacy. It doesn’t have anything to do with her view of me. Its just how her creativity works. She has a spark, it catches flame, then she uses that to grow and shift her world.
The reason it doesn’t bother me is because as she flies away, I spend time growing my roots deep into the earth and remain grounded. Where she is chaos, I am stability. I meditate, write, share and heal the world where I can, when I can. This keeps me in tune with my own creative spirit, so as she flies home, my fluid call to her heart helps her land, rest.
However, sometimes I become ungrounded, unstable. I forget that we work with a basic fertility. For instance, if she is busy thinking about her work while we are spending time together, my feelings might get hurt. Then I forget that I have the power to call her home, and become resentful that she isn’t there with me. She’s off in her head, flying through the past or future, and I want her attention. The solution for me is always a few deep breaths and then I jump in after her. My heartsong pours toward her, calling to her, reminding her, expressing my love. Her clouds clear, and she lands. Sometimes she even smiles and says “oh, I remember. Hi!”
With warmth,
MattSeptember 21, 2013 at 2:37 pm #42560GoldieParticipantI thought “coping with differences” was going to give advice.
September 21, 2013 at 2:40 pm #42561GoldieParticipantNo that was the first time I ever said that. Was that a generic reply or are you confusing me with someone else?
September 21, 2013 at 3:19 pm #42562MattParticipantIt was not generic, but are you Sophie? There is confusion here, but I’m not sure its on my side.
September 21, 2013 at 10:47 pm #42568SophieParticipantI’m sorry goldie but who are you? I wrote that original post…. Matt thank you for your reply it was so helpful…. I’m going to sit down and reply after work today…. But I just noted to say thank you for your time and its me SOPHIE who wrote the original “coping with differences” goldie I’m afraid there has been some confusion here….
Sophie -
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