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Covid and Demanding Wife

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  • #378646
    Test41
    Participant

    Hi All,

    I am a 38 year old man, married for 4 years with a 1 year old.

    I was posted abroad but lost my job due to Covid in January. I have returned back home but I am unable to concentrate on my job search as my wife herself is Covid Positive and my daughter is away (staying with my In-laws) to keep my wife in isolation from her recovery.

    My wife is still recovering from Covid herself but never forgets to mention that I am jobless and that I need to get a job soon. I am not in the right frame of mind to look for a job as I am concerned for her health and miss my 1 year old but my wife never stops pestering me to find a new job. Thankfully we can ride out a few months or even an year without me being employed.

    I tried telling her that she needs to recover and I need to be in the right frame of mind (and hopefully be with her and my toddler) for me to start looking at jobs again but she keeps pestering me (despite her having just recovered from covid related fever).

    Am I being lazy here or is she right? I was suicidal a couple of hours ago but thankfully shrugged the negative vibes away.
    Am I being a lazy idiot? What do I do? I feel like a lone wolf standing against the world. Any advice would be appreciated.

    #378663
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Test41:

    “Am I being lazy here or is she right?”- You are not being lazy, and she is wrong.

    Covid took your wife’s health away from her (hopefully she will recover soon), it took your job away from you, and it separate your toddler from his (or her) parents. Next, your wife is taking away your peace-of mind and ability to concentrate, by harassing and pestering you.

    Instead of your wife uniting with you in these difficult times, being one of a a team of two, working for the common cause, which is your family of three, she is hurting the family.

    Did she pester you and has she been a demanding wife before Covid?

    anita

    #378688
    Test41
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you for replying. She was fine for an year after marriage and then we moved abroad (Singapore) where she became used to the lifestyle there. When I lost my job she kept pestering me to try for a job and didn’t want to come back (I live in a “Developing” country). She is majorly pissed off that we had to come back home after almost 3 years abroad as she liked the lifestyle there.

    I wasn’t able to concentrate on my job hunt as we came back only 2 months back and then the Corona crisis worsened where I live. I am not in the frame of mind to pretend everything is fine and carry on with my job search but she insists that I get a job ASAP (Despite her being Corona Positive herself at this moment). I cannot get my head around what she wants and why she is after me getting a Job ASAP even before she recovers and spends time with me and our kid.

    I have now learnt my lesson and will give all my energy towards finding a job instead of spending time with family.
    I feel like I am losing my connection with her due to her behavior and will for the rest of my life just commit to being a workaholic and providing for my family. I will make my work my refuge so that I don’t have to spend much time with my wife.

    Sorry for the rant but I am feeling helpless about my situation.

    #378694
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Test41:

    You are welcome. The situation is that:

    -Your wife is sick with Covid, and your toddler lives with her parents, for his protection. (Any idea how she contracted Covid and whether you are positive for the virus?),

    – You are living in a developing country where the pandemic recently worsened, maybe India (?)

    – You and your wife “can ride out a few months or even a year” without you being employed, and yet she insists that you go out and find a job ASAP, so that you can all move back to Singapore where she can enjoy a better lifestyle.

    As a result of her insistence and pestering, you “feel like a lone wolf standing against the world.. like I am losing my connection with her due to her behavior and will for the rest of my life just commit to being a workaholic and providing for my family. I will make my work my refuge so that I don’t have to spend much time with my wife”-

    – this is not a good solution for you to be a workaholic lone wolf, slaving your life away so that she can enjoy a better lifestyle. If you do that, you will not be available to your child and to any future children you may have: they will grow up without a father (other than a very sad, lonely and overworked person who brings in the money). They will grow up with a selfish mother who places a lifestyle above her family. Consider separating from your wife and ending the marriage, is my advice.

    anita

     

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