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Crazy emotional blockages, unhappy & alone

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  • February 3, 2019 at 9:11 am #278365
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sofioula:

    In your original post you wrote regarding your past relationship: “I miss the feeling of happiness, darn, I miss the smiles on my face. The confidence I had”-

    -it makes me think of a person living in an apartment that is too small, in a neighborhood that is too noisy,  sleeping at night and having a most wonderful dream, dreaming of living in a big castle, in a far away land where all is quite and peaceful, green, trees and a lake. The person dreaming is smiling, feeling happy, confident.

    Then the person wakes up to the apartment that is too small and too noisy, missing the life in the castle, in that far away land that doesn’t exist except in the imagination that awakened at night.

    The man you were involved with, doesn’t read to me that he was a loving man. I think you dreamed that he was and you missed that dream.

    In your recent post to me you wrote: “I found out that I was feeling like a failure because I’m codependent. A people’s pleaser, a yes girl”- if your ex boyfriend was a loving man, if what he wanted from you was good for you, then there wouldn’t be a problem if you pleased him and said yes to him. Problem is you tried to please a dream, said yes to a dream while reality was different from the dream.

    anita

    February 6, 2019 at 4:09 pm #279059
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Namaste Anita,

    It’s exactly as you said. Me, I was dreaming of a loving, caring and loyal man, wearing my pink glasses, bypassing all the signs just to avoid waking up and missing my dream. You see, my parents (bless the both they are incredible people) always had admiration for young girls who 1.had completed their studies 2.had a steady job 3.had a social circle with friends etc 4.had a boyfriend. They call it a person who “found their way in life” .

    So I always aspired to become that. To alleviate the burdens of my folks worrying about me, to make them admire me and steal a little bit of their focus, as my sister was and is their main preoccupation. She is explosive, a bit narcissistic and will get her way, and my parents had a hard time, so little me thought  oh let’s be the exact opposite, the obedient one, the selfless in order to be a priority. Only now I realize, not only that was covert selfish, egocentric, but also I suppress so much of me, I don’t know me.

    Anyhow, coming to the “dear” ex… No, come to think of it, it would be a  problem even if he was a loving man for me to still give my all to him. I came to believe that you shouldn’t give yourself over to anyone. Partnership is 2 people walking side by side, not one sitting on the other back. I was a doormat and he was emotionally unavailable, totally wtong for me and any future together. It was a blessing to have unmasked him. Even after 1 year.

    I hope and believe in that dream. They dream is as you said, what I tried to please. Now, I’ll try and please me for a change. They dream shall manifest when the circumstances allow it. It couldn’t in the past. Let’s hope for the future. All I can do is live now.

    Thank you so very very much for your replies  They always help me unlock and unfold so many aspects of my situation. Like Socrates you ask the perfect questions! ❤️

    February 7, 2019 at 7:48 am #279181
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sofioula:

    You are welcome.

    Notice that the family role you took on as a child, the opposite to your sister’s role, being “the exact opposite, the obedient one, the selfless”, was aimed at getting your parents’ attention, to get their approval and admiration (“to make them admire me and steal a little bit of their focus” on your sister)-

    does not serve you in life. Often the family role we take on as children doesn’t serve us in life, as an adult. Better practice moderation between selfish and selfless, be neither one, not this extreme and not the other extreme but instead, promote your self interest while considering the other person’s interest as well, making your interactions and relationships with others a Win-Win.

    anita

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