Dear Anna,

you are welcome, I am glad it helped.

I think this year for me is about releasing attachments and learning to count on myself more, giving myself self-love, getting rid of naivety about how people treat each other.

Those are all great goals. You definitely need to love and respect yourself more, because self-esteem is what gets damaged in a relationship with a narcissist. It could be that in the relationship with him you were naive, and when things seemed too good to be true – you believed they are true nevertheless? I mean, that’s how love bombing looks like: it’s the exaggerated love and attention, almost too good to be true. But we want to believe it’s true… so we don’t see it as a warning sign.

When it comes to the toxic relationship, I still think I might have done things differently. Though I guess no one is a saint when being constantly hurt. I know I became too much dependent on him.

Sure, it takes two to tango. However, if someone is a narcissist, or a toxic person in general, they don’t want to take responsibility for their part in the relationship. They always blame the other person. You on the other hand were open to grow and change – you were willing to take responsibility for your part of the equation. I believe that’s the fundamental difference between you and him, between a toxic and a non-toxic person.

Your greatest mistake, I believe, is not realizing sooner that he is a narcissist and that he is manipulating you. You tried to get some empathy from him, and of course, it never happened. And when you say you became too dependent on him, I guess you became dependent on his opinion of you, right?

As for my friendships, I feel because of the break-up I became too needy and they didn’t let me know that maybe I’m overwhelming them until it led to a conflict.

I see… you desperately needed and perhaps even demanded their help, and when they couldn’t support you in that capacity there was a conflict. Okay, I get it. In this case, perhaps it would make sense to apologize for being so needy and for demanding too much from them?

I feel very overwhelmed with those situations, plus looking for a job and taking part in job interviews.

Try to forgive yourself about how you treated your friends. You were an emotionally battered woman, who needed help. And  perhaps you were too demanding in getting their help. But now you’re coming out of it and seeing things more clearly. So you can forgive yourself and also apologize to them. I am sure they will understand.

Be very gentle with yourself. Have a lot of self-compassion. That’s what you need the most now…

I wish you luck with finding a decent job soon. Repeat to yourself that you are lovable and worthy (if you’re not already doing that). It’s good you’re doing meditation and reiki, as part of your self-care routine.