Dear heartbrokengurl:

I think your choice is a wise choice. Looking forward to your next post.

anita

Hi Heartbrokengurl,

Our situations are different but I understand your anxiety…I deal with it myself. It’s so not fun when you’re in the thick of it, which it sounds like you are right now.  I think you’re right that it’s not a good idea to call and talk to him, especially when you both know that what he needs is some space and time. For him to feel smothered and pressured into a relationship will only make him turn away from you. You need to focus on other things in your life, and just try to be present in the moment and not worry about what is or isn’t happening with him. Easier said than done, I know but all you can do is try…each moment, just try. Your future is NOT dependent on him.

It’s so easy to pick apart text messages, I do that too. I would read “have a great day” and think “oh, what so we’re not going to talk for the rest of the day?!” But this is NOT accurate. It’s just him being kind and sincerely hoping your day is a great one!! Nothing more and nothing less. After reading a comment by PearceHawk on another thread, I started really thinking about the way texting so much especially early in romantic relationships really kinda sets us up to fail. Men and women both see texting so much differently and I know in my own new relationship, I have had to learn his communication style and become ok with the fact that he really just does not like to text. I think you need to give it some time and let him reach out to you and this will make you feel better and see that he is interested in you. It might take a couple days for this to happen (I know, scary!) but when it does, just show him that you’re happy to hear from him and that you’ve been happy just living your life in the meantime. And in the off chance that he doesn’t reach out, this is better to know too. You deserve someone who wants to be with you – whether it be this guy or not, it will be someone!!!

I’m attaching a couple articles that have helped me see texting differently. This different perspective has really helped calm my anxiety some…I hope it can for you too.

Stay strong and keep us posted.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201403/is-constant-texting-good-or-bad-your-relationship

http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/how-texting-could-be-killing-your-relationship

Heartbrokengurl:

From what it sounds like from that text is he’s trying to be friendly with you but it did seem like he unfortunately didn’t want to continue talking. For example if he wanted to continue talking and keep the conversation going he would of asked about you but he didn’t. I’ve had this happen to me in the past. I’ve had a few people that I was casually dating would all of a sudden ghost me (disappear) or wouldn’t keep the conversation going and I basically took the hint. I would honestly not wait around on this one. I think if you focus your attention on yourself rather than him it’ll make it easier. For me: I don’t think I’d text him again after that. I’d wait for him to either text you and you can see where you are even interested in that point to continue talking to him or start working on yourself and maybe keep things open for a new potential partner.

I was seeing a guy who I thought was perfect (but later found out he was an alcoholic) and he just out of the blue stopped talking to me. He said we just didn’t mesh well together and we were never on the same page. Hind sight is 20/20. I would of never met my boyfriend if I continued with this person and/or waited around for him to realize I was a great catch.

I think Amber has some good points but have to say that I don’t see him not asking about you as an indicator that he doesn’t want to keep seeing you/talking to you. I think some people just don’t have this question reciprocation skill down like the rest of us. I would just give it a couple days and things should become clearer. xx

You’re welcome Heartbrokengurl 🙂 Please keep us posted!

Ehhh I don’t agree about constant contact. I think that may be how some people operate, but not all. Before we could text all day what did we do? *Maybe* talked on the phone once a night after work/school. Maybe it wasn’t even every night. I know for myself, this is where I get into trouble – when I start thinking “well I would do this or that, so why isn’t he?…he must not be into me like I am him”….failing to take into account the fact that we’re two different people that show and process love and attention completely differently. I think it’s these expectations that kill relationships. I agree that if you want to be with someone you will want to talk to and spend time with them, but this amount and frequency of time does not look the same to everyone. I think just because he is taking a little time/space doesn’t mean that he won’t reach out or doesn’t want to continue talking at all.

Dear Heartbrokengurl:

You wrote yesterday: “I thought I could do this but I’m not quite sure how I’m going to get through the next while waiting on in.”

As I wrote to you yesterday, I think it was, waiting for him… to make or break your world, is not a good idea. Anxiety easily takes possession of people who wait.

anita