Home→Forums→Relationships→Dating with an STI- emotional roller coaster
- This topic has 53 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 1 month ago by Anonymous.
-
AuthorPosts
-
August 2, 2017 at 1:17 pm #161782AmberParticipant
Heartbrokengurl:
I think you made the best decision. I think you are a very strong person and you’ll get past this with or without him. I’m hoping that he just needs a little space and time to realize how much he misses you and how amazing you truly are. Honestly, if not, you are better off without him and deserve someone who will love you and will stand by you. Everything happens for a reason whether a blessing or a lesson. I still today try to remember that saying and it helps me through my toughest days. The best thing you can do is occupy your time. Try to look at the things you’ve learned throughout the course of your relationship and how brave you were to disclose your STI to him, that was HUGE. Remember that!
August 3, 2017 at 7:29 am #161866AnonymousGuestDear heartbrokengurl:
I think your choice is a wise choice. Looking forward to your next post.
anita
August 3, 2017 at 10:52 am #161930AnonymousInactiveHi ladies.
I thought I could do this but I’m not quite sure how I’m going to get through the next while waiting on in.
I feel as though I’m having a bit of a panic attack right now. I sent him a morning text to just check in and said hi and he responded with ‘Good morning 🙂 Just woke up after a late shift with the fireworks. Have a great day. xo’
As soon as I read it I could feel my heart race and start to get hot and sweaty, and picked apart the message. I get a bad vibe from it for some reason, and am still expecting him to say its over like he just did not too long ago.
I’m so scared to invest in him, when he could possibly just end it again.
I really want to call him and talk to him, but I know thats not a good idea 🙁
August 3, 2017 at 11:26 am #161932KatieParticipantHi Heartbrokengurl,
Our situations are different but I understand your anxiety…I deal with it myself. It’s so not fun when you’re in the thick of it, which it sounds like you are right now. I think you’re right that it’s not a good idea to call and talk to him, especially when you both know that what he needs is some space and time. For him to feel smothered and pressured into a relationship will only make him turn away from you. You need to focus on other things in your life, and just try to be present in the moment and not worry about what is or isn’t happening with him. Easier said than done, I know but all you can do is try…each moment, just try. Your future is NOT dependent on him.
It’s so easy to pick apart text messages, I do that too. I would read “have a great day” and think “oh, what so we’re not going to talk for the rest of the day?!” But this is NOT accurate. It’s just him being kind and sincerely hoping your day is a great one!! Nothing more and nothing less. After reading a comment by PearceHawk on another thread, I started really thinking about the way texting so much especially early in romantic relationships really kinda sets us up to fail. Men and women both see texting so much differently and I know in my own new relationship, I have had to learn his communication style and become ok with the fact that he really just does not like to text. I think you need to give it some time and let him reach out to you and this will make you feel better and see that he is interested in you. It might take a couple days for this to happen (I know, scary!) but when it does, just show him that you’re happy to hear from him and that you’ve been happy just living your life in the meantime. And in the off chance that he doesn’t reach out, this is better to know too. You deserve someone who wants to be with you – whether it be this guy or not, it will be someone!!!
I’m attaching a couple articles that have helped me see texting differently. This different perspective has really helped calm my anxiety some…I hope it can for you too.
Stay strong and keep us posted.
http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/how-texting-could-be-killing-your-relationship
August 3, 2017 at 11:50 am #161938AnonymousInactiveThanks Katie!! Your message made me tear up. Everything you said I relate to.
His message, I was immediately thinking ‘why didn’t he ask how I am doing, or say he would text me later, or didnt say he missed me.’. So yes, what you say makes sense!! I dont know why we do this to ourselves.
I have trouble disconnecting from him and the situation and trying to live my life with our without him.
It may take a few days to hear from him, but I want to show him I’m strong and can go a while without contact. However, that being said, I get scared he will forget about me, and have too much time to think he doesn’t want to be with me, etc…I know I know, the worst possible thoughts!! We also haven’t set up the next time we are going to see each other, so that has me a bit anxious.
Thanks for those articles, AND your words. I have a bit of calm washed over me…for now…haha.
August 3, 2017 at 12:15 pm #161948AmberParticipantHeartbrokengurl:
From what it sounds like from that text is he’s trying to be friendly with you but it did seem like he unfortunately didn’t want to continue talking. For example if he wanted to continue talking and keep the conversation going he would of asked about you but he didn’t. I’ve had this happen to me in the past. I’ve had a few people that I was casually dating would all of a sudden ghost me (disappear) or wouldn’t keep the conversation going and I basically took the hint. I would honestly not wait around on this one. I think if you focus your attention on yourself rather than him it’ll make it easier. For me: I don’t think I’d text him again after that. I’d wait for him to either text you and you can see where you are even interested in that point to continue talking to him or start working on yourself and maybe keep things open for a new potential partner.
I was seeing a guy who I thought was perfect (but later found out he was an alcoholic) and he just out of the blue stopped talking to me. He said we just didn’t mesh well together and we were never on the same page. Hind sight is 20/20. I would of never met my boyfriend if I continued with this person and/or waited around for him to realize I was a great catch.
August 3, 2017 at 12:23 pm #161950KatieParticipantHeartbrokengurl,
I’m glad you’re feeling a little calmer. I know how fleeting that can be too so I hope it continues with you, even if only in waves!
I would love to know why we do this to ourselves too!! I can tell we are both strong, smart, independent and beautiful women but we seem to need a man to feel validated. SO annoying.
I think it’s important for you to wait for him to contact you not only so he can see that you’re strong and can go a while but also so that YOU see that he will not completely go MIA even if you haven’t heard from him in the time frame that makes you comfortable. I completely get your fears though…I had and still have the same ones. That I’ll get forgotten, he’ll lose interest if I’m not blowing up his phone (ha! I feel like the opposite is true, tbh), he’ll realize I’m not that great after all, …the list goes on. Definitely makes it harder when you don’t have plans to get together, but this is just another chance for you to do your own thing and take care of and be kind to yourself. I have to remind myself we all have different needs from communication and connection, and some people (I feel like guys especially) just don’t need to be in constant contact, or need much less than maybe you or I do. It’s important to remind yourself that his lack of communication might have much more to do with what’s going on in his life (work, family, house stuff, whatever) than his feelings for you.
You got this girl!!
August 3, 2017 at 12:26 pm #161954KatieParticipantI think Amber has some good points but have to say that I don’t see him not asking about you as an indicator that he doesn’t want to keep seeing you/talking to you. I think some people just don’t have this question reciprocation skill down like the rest of us. I would just give it a couple days and things should become clearer. xx
August 3, 2017 at 12:32 pm #161956AnonymousInactiveThanks both! I do have a bad feeling in my stomach, but can’t tell if it’s just me being me, but yes hopefully the next few days will give me some clarity if he reaches out, and what he says/does.
Thanks girls 🙂
August 3, 2017 at 12:40 pm #161958KatieParticipantYou’re welcome Heartbrokengurl 🙂 Please keep us posted!
August 3, 2017 at 12:51 pm #161960AmberParticipantKatie/Heartbrokengurl:
I think that as well, some people don’t have good communication skills but judging by his previous comments in her prior posts is what makes me say that. Time is the only true indicator I think on how someone feels. The more time passes the more clearer things become and everything becomes easier. Everyday will get easier and easier. I can only vouche for me but if I truly loved and wanted to be with someone, I would text them/call them and show them that I care about them. I wouldn’t just answer a text and say “have a great day.” I do understand that people do need “time” or “space” but in reality if you want to be with someone, you won’t need that time or space. You’d want to be with them and would want to keep in constant contact. I did at one point need space from my boyfriend but as soon as I told him I needed “space” and he gave it to me, I within a 1/2 a day realized that I loved him and I wanted to be with him 100%.
August 3, 2017 at 1:08 pm #161964KatieParticipantEhhh I don’t agree about constant contact. I think that may be how some people operate, but not all. Before we could text all day what did we do? *Maybe* talked on the phone once a night after work/school. Maybe it wasn’t even every night. I know for myself, this is where I get into trouble – when I start thinking “well I would do this or that, so why isn’t he?…he must not be into me like I am him”….failing to take into account the fact that we’re two different people that show and process love and attention completely differently. I think it’s these expectations that kill relationships. I agree that if you want to be with someone you will want to talk to and spend time with them, but this amount and frequency of time does not look the same to everyone. I think just because he is taking a little time/space doesn’t mean that he won’t reach out or doesn’t want to continue talking at all.
August 3, 2017 at 1:23 pm #161966AnonymousInactiveI can see both sides. I would like to think that because I would do this or that, than he would too…but I know men and women do work differently.
He has done this previously where his text come across not so ‘interested’…when in the end it didn’t mean anything really, and my thoughts ran away with me even so.
I’m trying to stay positive. He works as a paramedic and has crazy hours and this is his busiest time at the moment so I’m also trying to remember that too. All these factors, yet my brain can’t stop analyzing. I swear sometimes its just easier to be single ;).
August 4, 2017 at 4:47 am #162070AnonymousGuestDear Heartbrokengurl:
You wrote yesterday: “I thought I could do this but I’m not quite sure how I’m going to get through the next while waiting on in.”
As I wrote to you yesterday, I think it was, waiting for him… to make or break your world, is not a good idea. Anxiety easily takes possession of people who wait.
anita
August 4, 2017 at 2:08 pm #162218AnonymousInactiveThanks Anita! I’m trying not to ‘wait’. I ended up texting him to see if he’s free on Monday to spend some time together, but I havent heard back yet. 🙁
-
AuthorPosts