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Dealing with infidelity/jealousy?

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  • #58224
    Daniella
    Participant

    Hi All,

    I hope someone has some words which will help and give me something to think about.

    I recently split up with my boyfriend of 6 years (have been broken up for 2 months.) We had been on and off for a few years. This time we were completely honest with each other.

    I found out he had slept with a colleague whilst we were together. I have accepted this now although I would like to know *why* he did it as I thought we were happy at this point.

    Recently we broke up as he had met someone on Facebook. I was upset but I have taken this woman as a positive thing as something had to happen to change our relationship and I’m grateful for her for helping me realise I can live without him. They broke up after a few weeks and my ex and I have been sleeping together sporadically.

    However now he wants to try hanging out as friends rather than sleeping together. This is what I wanted and I do want him back but I know we have to make a lot of changes in our relationship.

    He is still in touch with this woman on facebook, how can I manage my feelings of jealousy? I know I have low self-esteem but this person is pretty, seems very nice and is also much younger (therefore at a different stage in life) than my ex so I don’t think I am jealous of her. I think it’s more that I’m scared the same thing will happen again if we were to get back in a relationship together. I can see where they have liked each others pictures and I know this is normal but I can’t help feeling a bit irked and annoyed by it.

    How can I understand and manage my feelings better? I really want to overcome this, not even because we may get back together but because I want to be a happier person and be able to positively deal with any future feelings of this.

    Thanks 🙂

    #58227
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi There!

    I know this is a spiritual website and we’re still evolving (some, like you, on purpose!) but here’s the thing ~

    Most humans can get jealous. We just do. No conditioning, no past experience, no bad modeling. It’s bred in the bone. We are jealous. We just are. Even God in the Old Testament is a jealous God. He admits it! He is so jelly that He put it in one of the Commandments in stone “…for I am a jealous God…” There’s nothing to understand, manage or overcome.

    You can say, “Dear Heart, on a spiritual, friendship, platonic level, I’m glad you are finding happiness. But the work colleague and the pretty young FB thing is an irritant for me.” And then ~ don’t see him! Be busy. Take a break. Do other things. Date other people. Unplug social media. Once you have space in your thoughts, heart and soul then see how he’s doing. He might be doing great! But you will be detached from it to a degree.

    Honestly? Give it a year.

    #58289
    Daniella
    Participant

    Hmm I know you’re right!

    Thank you 🙂

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