Hi everyone,

I know this is probably a common topic here and I think I’ve seen some articles about this too. But I have been feeling very lonely for a long time. I posted in the relationship forum if you want to get some background information.

But in a nutshell, my ex dumped me on 9/26/13 – 2 days before she was supposed to move into an apartment we got together. My life got turned upside down since then. Our relationship was only 9 months, but intense, passionate, hot / cold, and I thought we really loved each other. During the good times, I never felt better. It was like a high. We even were planning on getting married.

We tried unsuccessfully to get back together in April/May, but due to her friends and family “freaking out” they forbade her from seeing me.

She was very depressed and suicidal when we started talking again and I offered my help, which she refused. She had a room available for her and it was paid for in my (our) apartment. Well, she stopped talking to me in May and I now know why.

She has a BF. She is unemployed and lives at home at 32. She’s a hardcore atheist and he’s a previous ex of hers who’s a reverend.

I’m saying all of this because I still haven’t found anyone. It’s taken me over a year to get where I am at now and I am not 100% over things. I am very, very close though. My confidence was completely shattered when she broke up with me. I realized I was very codependent and relied on her being happy for my own happiness. I know this has been an issue with me for some time, perhaps even since I was a kid. My ex is very pretty and I am guessing that really works for her in her favor to find someone. Please forgive me for saying that, but I do believe it’s true. I’ve always noticed a lot of guys “hovering” around her when we were together.

A couple of really good things happened to me recently: In July, I got a new job at a company I like with people I like. My last one I hated. Last Thursday, I moved out of the apartment that my ex and I got together after a year of being stuck there. It sucked, because I was reminded every day that she is not there and there was an empty bedroom. I got a 1 bedroom in my old neighborhood, literally about 100 feet from my old apartment, so I am happy to be back there.

I have a good, steady job that pays pretty well. I live on my own. I’m still working on my happiness but I just feel so lonely. Everyone says work on yourself, get back into your hobbies, go out and spend time with friends and meet new people. I have been doing that.

But nothing seems to be able to satisfy the things that come along with having a girlfriend. I miss the obvious: sex and intimacy, physical touch, emotional bonding, doing activities together, waking up in bed together and getting breakfast, cuddling, watching movies together, listening to music together, dancing with each other, cooking dinner with each other. Being there and supporting each other in good and bad times. I cannot get those feelings doing things by myself. Even things that I love to do.

And yes, I am upset my ex has someone. I’m very surprised she was able to find someone in her emotional, financial, and employment state. Yeah, I was ready to help her but we have a history together. She’s able to do the things that I said above with someone else. I miss doing those things with my ex.

How can doing things alone that enrich your life satisfy those things I mentioned? I just turned 40 and don’t want to be alone forever. I’m trying to maintain a positive attitude. And I’ve having zero luck on dating sites. I am meeting some single women but they usually end up being women that don’t interest me. I do admit that I still compare them to my ex a little bit, and I know that’s wrong. I am trying to open up myself to different types of women.

Anyway, any suggestions I am open to.

• This topic was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by Silky.