Trevor,

You asked, “Do adults stop having their happiness tied to their relationships to others at some point?”

I’m going to take a guess here: If your parents seem annoyed and angry when you appear to be feeling down, it’s fear, not anger. Good parents (and it sounds like yours are good) worry about their children WAY more than the children ever realize. If they could take away your pain and loneliness they would, but the fact that they can’t probably makes them feel powerless and impotent. When you were a baby and you hurt, they could fix it. Now you’re a man and they can’t do anything but suggest ways to feel better. It’s a terribly helpless feeling for a parent, because to them you’re still their little boy. You always will be.

So the answer to your question is no. It sounds to me like your parents’ happiness is still very much tied to you and yours.

Try putting yourself in their shoes for a few minutes, understand their fear and helplessness, and then reconsider their advice from the standpoint that they might be the only two people in your entire life that genuinely want something JUST because it’s good for you – without any self interest. When you let down your defenses, assure them that you are open to their help, and keep the lines of communication open with them, I believe you’ll see an improvement. I hope you will. Smile. Hugs. 🙂

Dear Trevor:

You don’t magically change when you turn 18, nobody does. And if you needed support the day before you turn 18, you still do. no one magically transforms on any particular day, there is no time table. You still need support and will always need the support of someone in your life. At no age can a person make it alone…

Please post again.

anita