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dearest friends

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 7 years ago by Anonymous.
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  • #173231
    N
    Participant

    I hate this feeling… I know I’m overreacting I know I am. But this feels very real to me. Sometimes it feels like they only want to talk to me when they’re single. It’s not that I’m not happy for them. Well, I have some friends who get new boyfriends as often and JC Penney throws a sale, but that I’m used to. But one finally got someone who could treat them like they mean something and that’s important to me. I couldn’t have wished that on a better person… But it’s still lonely on this side. I’d prayed for real love for all of us, I just hadn’t counted on it happening without me. And I was used to this in high school, assuming the position, to wait and be around until they need me again. But we’re adults now. I don’t want to be more important than these guys, that’s absurd. But I also hadn’t counted on being forgotten about. Having to meme tag and snap something every once a month so as to remind them I was still alive. Asking to drive out to visit every couple months to get my girl time in only to spend it as a third wheel. Having one ask me if I’m staying over only for her to text me that they’ll be going out to brunch before I wake up so she’ll catch me next time. Watching them drive past me to the next town over to spend the day, even with each other #noboysallowed, and finding out they were here via snap story or #latergram. I would never forget them. My phone’s always charged. Give me your heartbreak and bad days, small victories and funny stories. We’ve always promised each other that. It just feels like they all went out the window when their relationship status changed.

    #173251
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear N:

    If a friend is available to you only when single, only in between romantic type relationships, on a regular basis (that is beyond a particularly trying time in a particular relationship), them maybe that person does not qualify for the term Friend. People define friends differently. For some it is the same as friendly acquaintances. For others, a friend means something closer, more committed, more reliable than a friendly acquaintance. You decide on your definition.

    And by the way, I don’t think you are overreacting. Your feelings are valid, they do matter and need to be taken seriously.

    anita

    #173299
    N
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you for your answer and making me feel like I’m not being crazy. I guess it’s bothering me cause we’ve been friends more than ten years. I figured we be closer than that. And I can give on being busy, I totally get that. But that’s what cell phones are for. I mean I’m overly sensitive as it is anyway, but it’s still just a little painful and annoying to see

     

    N

    #173379
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear N:

    I understand. And I heard about this problem decades ago, friends of single boys/ men and friends of single girls/women losing their friends to the girlfriends/ boyfriends. It is very common. As a matter of fact, daughters lose their remarried fathers to the new wives, that is also common. I think that the reason for this is that the emotional attachment people form to their intimate-others is second in strength only to the attachment of a child to the parent. Often it feels as strong.

    On the other hand, the attachment to friends is of lesser strength, in many or most cases.

    anita

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