Home→Forums→Tough Times→Death of pet and mom in nursing home
- This topic has 3 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 9 months ago by Al.
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March 24, 2014 at 7:31 am #53440LapisParticipant
Hello all, I am struggling to find my balance. After two years of trying to care for my mother with Alzheimers I had to place her in home care. I feel very guilty and sad about this, it is a real grief process, but I still struggle. My beloved pet is now dying and I have him home trying to provide hospice care for him. I feel very very alone, pray, meditate. I know about acceptance, I read and re read Depak Chopras seven spiritual laws, but I feel lost and very much alone, I left my home to go to another country to care for my mother, so I am very very much alone.
March 24, 2014 at 11:51 am #53452TyParticipantGood Afternoon Lapis,
Pain is universal in many aspects. Do not feel guilty for something that has you overwhelmed. We as humans have a gift/curse of analytic evaluation. Every decision we make can always be reversed as a negative somehow. The truth is Lapis, you picked up everything to move to a foreign place out of sheer love for your mother. The pain of Alzheimers is devastating and I grieve for you to have to witness something like that. Know that in your heart, you did the best you could for two years. When your own health is compromised, it’s time to let those who are trained professionals deal with quality of care.
Onto your beloved pet. Each day you share with your pet is something that you must cherish since their time on Earth is so unfairly short. I recall having to put down my 16 year old Irish setter when I was in college and how painful that was for me to witness first hand. Life is so precious. I urge you to relish in the moments remaining. Do not ignore the fears, doubts and loneliness that clouds your mind currently. Stare into the fogs of emotion and remember that despite what you may think, you are never truly alone. Each person that we lose never truly leave. They live forever in the memories we have made with them. Enjoy the days Lapis. We get so few of them on this Earth.
Let your light shine towards the stars,
TyHo22
March 24, 2014 at 2:54 pm #53460LapisParticipantTyler, thank you so much for your comfort. I really appreciate your time to answer and it made a difference. Sometimes I just don’t know whether I am coming or going and it is hard being alone and losing the only true unconditional love companion I had, he is/was a grace that if I did not have him, I’d never had made it through those very tough times with my mom. It took a lot to get him to Ireland from USA, the paperwork was blinding. Now he is moving on, how hard it is to face these painful losses alone, but we are born alone and we go out alone in reality. Thanks again Tyler you really helped me.
March 25, 2014 at 7:01 pm #53533AlParticipantLapis,
I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing.
It is always sad losing loved ones. And yet, it is death that allows us to appreciate life all the more. I am sure your mother feels the same. Grieving is normal and it is fine to be in this state. However, do your best to adopt this view: that both your mother and your pet lived a long life, that they were able to experience many joys, that they were able to die of old age instead of prematurely and that they were finally able to move on to a place where there is no suffering. In fact, I am positive that this is how all of our loved ones feel. I am sure that if they could still connect with us that they would want us to be happy and to live our lives the best we can. So grieve while you must but please remember that your life continues on and that you should live for their memory and also yourself.
As for your loneliness, perhaps it is just me but I cannot believe that with 7 billion people on this planet that we cannot find at least one individual to share a friendship with. 🙂 People are there. The issue is having the courage, or the care, to simply open our mouths and initiate a conversation which may progress into something more. If you adopt the view that we are all human, that we are all one and the same with the same pain and suffering, then you will find that we all share a connection. In this sense, we can all relate and associate. Loneliness, like many other aspects of life, is due to our own accountability. Without our actions nothing will ever transpire. Hence, all of our ‘misdeeds’ can be accounted for our ‘inactions’. So please, do not despair over this for it can be overcome. All it takes is a bit of push on your part.
Wishing you the best,
Al
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