Hi,

So my last post i talked about how my boyfriend and i have long distance and we just got to college and it’s gotten really hard for me. i did not want to go to school, did not want change, and wanted everything to stay the same with him bc i truly loved him so much and wanted to do eveverything with him. We got to school and i’ve gotten back into my old habits having very bad anxiety and it’s been very hard on both of us. i went to visit him one of the first weeks into school and was totally fine and had no doubts about us. then i got back and started having overdrive about how i feel and if he’s the one. we have broken up and are “on a break” after he came to visit me and i was just so wrapped up in anxiousness that i did not feel anything when he was here. It’s been a while and we talk like friends but this is starting to eat me alive. i keep feeling so anxious when i think of him and don’t know if it’s my feelings or if it’s fear. right when i got to school my birthday was the first week and he wasn’t allowed to come by his parents. he didn’t do anything wrong but i felt so hurt and brought me back to feelings i’ve felt from an ex and a childhood experience of feeling unimportant. i never really dealt with those feelings until today keeping them bottled up inside me. i talked to my boyfriend (now ex) today about it and he thinks we just shouldn’t talk for a while and that he cares and loves me but since i’m not feeling right about him, that we need time apart. right after we hung up i completely lost it crying and felt like i was losing a piece inside me. i don’t understand myself. do i want to be with him or not? i need to make this decision but is it my fear holding me back or is it truly my feelings that are not allowing me to feel good??