Hey Joe,

I understand your state of mind…

Let me tell you, that you’re not the only one shy person here, I’m shy too and takes a lot of strength for me to socialize (even with friends).

Be open to try jobs, these dillemas are always there as to which stream/field to choose for job. Although one stream might be of interest but might not have many opportunities. There will be some other which might interest you. Keep looking for it. Don’t close yourself to job options. Only when you be open and try it out, you’ll know how comfortable you’re with it. And for the opportunities you missed, don’t lament over it, move on and grab the next ones.

‘Hate’ is a very strong word, I would say never refer it to yourself or for anybody.

It’s ok if the thought cycle is back and forth (positive and negative). Mind is a strange place…very difficult to handle! What is good is, you can atleast manage to get yourself on track with help from motivational stuffs. After all, we all need help. I would appreciate you for the efforts you’ve been putting in to get yourself on track. That’s commendable, not everyone can do that.

All the Best…

One idea (I don’t know if you’re into this) is to teach English overseas (Assuming your from US, Canada, UK Australia). All you need is a university degree (of any sort) and sometimes a teaching certificate. I would reccomend this because:
1) it is a way to travel abroad and still make money
2) it gives you a bigger perspective on the world
3) it gives you a break from your previous life to do something totally different

You sound like you don’t really fit in and want something different to come along. I would suggest doing something outside your comfort zone to grow. Once you grow you may find something that you have a passion for, which makes life much better. The above is only one suggestion, and only applies if you want to travel and like teaching, but look around and see what other things you can do.

Also don’t feel obliged to anyone for anything. You have your whole life to find a job. Just live your life the way you want to live it and let things fall into place. Once you’re happier socializing will become easier. Naturally people are drawn to positive people.

Best of luck.