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'Derealization'

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  • #50720
    Holly
    Participant

    Warning: This post may be triggering to those prone to paranoia and anxiety.

    Hi, I’m just searching for some insight in hope somebody replies to this post. 🙂
    I have anxiety disorders, but recently a traumatic event happened that is causing me a lower quality of well-being. I’ll try not to go into intense detail, but in short, but I have had anxiety disorders for the majority of my life. A couple months ago I made a ‘mindless’ choice if you will of smoking a high thc concentrate. I hadn’t smoked for roughly six months because it was causing anxiety. All in all, experimentation and boredom led me to this decision a few months back. My best terminology to explain what could’ve happened was “greening out,” a term for overdosing on thc. Whether you agree if it’s possible to OD on thc or not, “greening out” is the best description I have right now for the experience. Right after I took the substance, I lied down on a couch, and closed my eyes. My best label I can come up with for what happened when I closed my eyes was similar to what people describe as a near death experience to hell. It felt infinite and eternal. I awoke from this experience ten minutes later and asked my friends if I could ‘come down’ from this feeling, and they said yes. For the rest of the high, which lasted a couple of hours, I fell asleep off and on and was comforted by my friends. The next day is when the negative experience really hit me. Since it felt like I truly took a ‘trip to eternal hell,’ it truly felt infinite during the ten minute experience. I was 100% sure my body had died and I was in hell. The next day a though occurred, (I have OCD too) I thought to myself, “What if I did really die, and my soul was transferred/ into a parallel universe of which continued my life experience as if I didn’t die, but in my ‘first’ universe I actually died. This thought got so bad I actually looked up obituaries for myself online and cried myself to sleep because I worried for my loved ones in my ‘first universe.’ Writing this out honestly sounds crazy to me, and a month ago I wouldn’t have the courage to post this online. All in all, sometimes I can get away from this thought and notion, but it still sticks in my mind 24/7. I’m sorry if this post upsets anybody, but I’m desperate for help, and I intend no harm. (Also, I did tell my mom about this experience and she assured me it was just the drug, and it could’ve been laced, and I am alive and never died. I’m also seeing a therapist.) A current thought I’ve having is “how do I know for sure this isn’t true,” and it’s driving me crazy. Thanks for those who help.

    #50733
    Anna
    Participant

    Hey Holly,

    I hate to say this, but you don’t know it isn’t true. Your reality is *your* reality.

    I will say though: When you write it all out like that, logically thinking, do you think it was just the drug?

    Cheers 🙂

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