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Desperate about my life

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • January 5, 2018 at 6:28 pm #185295
    neo
    Participant

    Hello everyone , i found this forum and i thought it would help me if i share my life here. I am 27 years old and somehow my life is miserable. I ve had a break up of a 4 year relationship 2 years ago and now i am getting rejected and found my self anoyed to another girl who just helped me forget about my first break up. I have financial problems and have a work who i dont really like but i need money to survive and also pay my debt to bank . I also am at 2nd year at university but have no will and so much money to pay the university. Maybe this can be so easy situation but it really hurts to me , i am thinking day by day to find a solution for my life , starting from forgiving my self that i have been such a clingy and needy person to the girl who helped me survived from my break up and then i got rejected from her 🙁 and now i guess she even doesnt wanna talk to me anymore because i have telled her i like her and then comes the rejection and ive been trying again and again hoping that she will change her mind but i pushed her away everytime more and more, i dont know what to say anymore but maybe i will find some help in this forum and any idea how to start living my life properly.

    Thanks to everyone for reading .

    January 6, 2018 at 7:22 am #185341
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear neo:

    You would like help with living your life properly, you wrote. I suppose one proper way to live is not feeling miserable. How to make that happen? Function more effectively, make better choices, choices that will work for you, not against you.

    There are things you cannot change: you already incurred financial debt, can’t go back into the past and undo that. And so, keep paying the debt best you can, maybe form a better plan than you have now, to pay it in a way that works better for you, if such is possible. For example, to reduce the amount per payment over a longer time, or the other way around, or arrange for a break in payment, a year, let’s say of no payment and then resume.

    Regarding the breakup and what happened with the newer relationship, again, you cannot go back into the past and change anything. And so, accept best you can what already took place and learn from it. You wrote that you pushed her away repeatedly.

    What behaviors on your part pushed her away, specifically?

    anita

    January 6, 2018 at 8:52 am #185351
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Neo,

    Is there any way, you can try to communicate with this woman again? Let her know that you feel bad and that you did not mean to be too emotionally dependent on her, that you are trying to turn your life around, and give her specific examples of how you you are doing that. Tell her that you would like a friendship with her again..keep it light. Nothing too serious or heavy and see how she responds. She may decide to give things another chance. But in the future, try to only depend on yourself for your happiness instead of her. It is too much pressure for anyone to live up to.

    January 6, 2018 at 4:40 pm #185371
    neo
    Participant

     

    Dear Anita,
    Thank you for helping me , all i can know is that i cant escape the past no matrer what happened , i will try to find some choices that will work for me and finish my university as soon as possible because i am also feeling old for the university , i left it when i was 21 and now trying to continue it.
    About the girl all i have to say is that i tried my best to stay with her , we were chatting for about 6 months and also going out like friends and have a really great time ( she said it too also) but after 6 months she started to get cold and not texing me so much and then i telled her that i have feelings for her and i like her. And then she telled me that she just have know this thing and that was the reason why she became cold to me. And then ive done a mistake and somehow i begged her and maybe harrased and anoyed her and the things started to get worse and worse. Its been another 6 months now and i just cant stop thinking about her and texting her even if i know that maybe i am annoying her ,(but i have stoped texing her since last week), even that she wasnt my girlfriend but she totally helped me forget about my terrible breakup and made me live again. Shes so special to me. Is there any chance or things to do and get at least the friendship back ? I miss talking to her .

    Thank u Anita

    January 6, 2018 at 4:53 pm #185373
    neo
    Participant

    Dear Eliana,

    I ve telled her that i will respect her decision and not bother her about that love things, i telled that it would be great if we can go out and have fun like we did before but she refused me, because she said that the things will never work out like before,  and i didnt stop to call her and write her every single day , just asked her how her day was. I didnt mean to be needy but sincerely i telled her the truth and what i really feel , i never hurted her or made her feel bad but she now dont even text me back sometimes and i have decided to never bother her again even if i hsve to see her everyday(same university) but i really cant stop thinking about her. I dont know but if there is anything i can do to get her back i would do but as i see she even doesnt care about me anymore

    Thanks Eliana

    January 7, 2018 at 5:54 am #185411
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear neo:

    You are in a difficult situation: a second year university student with a way to go to graduate. You are older, I understand, at 27 than many of your peers and that bothers you. You have a financial debt, and that bothers you too. You have a job that you don’t like, and you are lonely following a break up from a girlfriend. This is a difficult situation.

    And so, you are looking for solutions. Part of the solution was the friend you had. She made you feel better, you were not as lonely when friends with her. You developed feelings for her and wanted her as your girlfriend. She refused, you begged, and she persisted in her refusal.

    I don’t think you can get the friendship back because when she gets a text from you when she sees you on campus, she probably gets this automatic bad feeling. Can’t have a friendship with someone whose sight makes one feel bad.

    I would give up on her, as a friend as well as a possible girlfriend.

    You do need someone, a person, or a group of people to talk to, someone to listen to you, to be heard and understood. Someone to show you they care. We are social beings and we… need to be connected to someone else.

    What are other options, other than this young woman, for you to connect?

    anita

    January 15, 2018 at 11:18 am #186837
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Neo,

    I just wanted to check in on you. How are you doing since our last communication? Are you feeling any better? Please post again with any thoughts..

    January 16, 2018 at 4:35 pm #187091
    neo
    Participant

    Dear Eliana,

    Thanks for asking me and i apreciate you for asking. Hmmm about the university and debt i am trying to fix this and go continue my university at the next semester(march)… and the other situatition about that girl , idk i am still thinking about her most of the time , shes always on my mind and dreams , even if i didnt talk to her for 1 month maybe even if i didnt see her , i just miss her and the times we had share together even if we were just friends. I put the guilt on my side for this situation every night. I shouldnt tell her that i like her or maybe start to love her, but now we cant go back , and everyday i am in struggle with this situation and i think ill be fine in the near future. Maybe i am still hoping that she will come back even that i know for now that she anoy me ?

    Best regards,

    Neo

     

    January 17, 2018 at 4:49 am #187175
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Neo,

    I say, just give it some time. In the meantime, try to stay busy, be with friends, enjoy life, you never know, you may see her again. People tend to come back in our lives when we are at our happiest. Stay strong.

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